It’s hot. I’m lazy. So I sleep in my underwear lately. Because making the effort to strip off my clothes only to put MORE clothes back on… clothes I will only be sleeping in, and yet will eventually lead to MORE laundry… well, that just makes me tired.
I get into bed last night and the negotiations began.
Him: Hmmm…. you’re naked.
Me: I’m not naked.
Him: feeling around to aleviate his confusion Are you wearing a shirt?
Me: No.
Him: Then you’re naked.
Me: Um, no. Technically, I’m topless. Not naked.
Him: download Red Eye Could you walk around like this in public?
Me: Could I? (because seriously, why would he taunt me with this?)
Him: If you walked around like this in public could you get in trouble? Or like a ticket or something?
Me: Well, yes.
Him: Then you’re naked.
And this is the man with whom I have chosen to procreate.
Edited to add: Oops. Crap. I forgot once again to pimp the newly expanded These Walls Have Ears. Do you ever find yourself wondering, “I wonder what it’s really like to be friends with Miss Britt?” or “does Avitable really blog naked?” or “how drunk would Amy have to be to IM with herself?”
The answers are all here…
(And please comment over there as well (as in, in addition to HERE – and I totally just double parenthesized) as I have been enduring a serious butt raping from Amy because of not pimping the site, and it is up to you people to prove that once I DO pimp, I am, in fact, the bestest pimp in the world. Thank you. That is all.)
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Posted in Love and Marriage
I’ve never understood the difference (seems mostly for women) between “no pajamas” and “naked” when in bed. But it’s there, just as sure as God made little green boobies.
As someone who takes his clothes off and goes to bed, I’ve never really had a woman I could ask this question. Are the panties retained as a type of symbolic chastity belt? Sort of a nylon warning sign — “Too Tired/Headachy/Bitchy” for slap-and-tickle?
Or are they used to keep things from falling out? Do you have loose parts, that may come loose during a particularly major session of tossing and turning? (Willie and the Boys are securely attached, and have never left me.)
Or (and I blush) are there fluids or other types of feminine effluent that might just head out, like the Blob, and take over unsuspecting family pets?
Please let us know. I’m thinking about buying my wife a pair of cycling shorts, if necessary, and a stout belt.
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I see. The definition of nudity is contingent on whether or not you get ticketed.
I had no idea that I was naked in a 55 zone. Who can drive 55 anyway?
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My husbands definition of naked is based on whether you have street clothes on or not.
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The good news is you are still young, and this is only your first husband…
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My husband would have just felt around and said “Boobies!” followed with “I’m horny.” He’s so romantic.
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lol…i want a husband.now.so we can also make definitions of naked.
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If that’s not naked, then you should be not naked when I talk to you more often and I’ll be not naked too, and we can be not naked together.
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Come on he just wanted to get lucky…and you sit tight in the fortress!
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Dick: I assure you, nothing is falling out. Everything is securely fastened – we’ve checked.
It’s just… I don’t know, you take off your shirt, you pull off your pants, you have to take off the bra because it’s not good to sleep in them – and that’s it. There’s just no REASON to take of the panties I guess.
Mist 1: My thoughts EXACTLY.
Maria: that’s my husband’s definition of prostitution
Mr. Fabulous: I know, although I’m aging quickly… next time I’m going for the luxury model.
heather: I think “hmmmm, you’re naked!” is my husband’s equivalent of “I’m horny!”
“No, I’m not” is my equivalent of “I don’t care.”
Maisha: make sure you get one with a reset button
avitable: Pfft. Like I could get you to not be naked when we talked once in a while.
debkitty: Yeah, that about sums it up. But that wouldn’t have made a very interesting post.
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How’s that butt raping from Amy going, and why wasn’t I invited?
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So, did you give in?
I guess menn do not understand the power of the panties…. We wear them so we CAN say no. Sheesh.
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Your husband felt your bare chest and asked you if you had a shirt on. Hmm. Yah, that doesn’t happen to me. I only sleep in my underwear after sex (which implies that I leave my underwear on during sex, and I’m okay with that).
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Butt raping? Do you have an ass fascination? And, I swear, I’m about to start calling Jared and giving him tips on the negotiation process… he’s no match for you! Poor guy.
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avitable: because, it’s a girl thing, you wouldn’t understand.
themuttprincess: we have a running joke at our house (and by we, I mean ME)
Him: “why am I letting you do this/get away with this/buy this/win this?”
Me: “because I have the power.
”
Poppy: Um… nooooo
My husband felt my chest and asked if I was Naked. Meaning, the rest of me.
I’m not sure what kind of woman could have her bare chest confused for one with a shirt on. But I assure you, I am not that kind.
AmyD: so I need to start blocking your number then?
Do not fuck with the Power, woman!!
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LOL – while I do see your point, you have to admit that living with you means that Jared is at a disadvantage that is far, far worse than your average husband.
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Hmmm, your point?
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Well, who cares… Who wants to be naked “technically” anyway… You either don’t want to be naked or you want to be naked all hot and flustered and having it off, right?
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My point?
I’m just saying… he’s no match for you and could use some help.
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Dutchy: Right, Right!
Amy:
Still confused. I mean, that’s just a GIVEN, right?
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Yes. You have the ultimate power….
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I hate to admit this, but I’m not sure if you were naked or not.
But the part that was a lightbulb moment for me was your insight about not wearing pjs cuz it’s just more laundry. I swear Britt, sometimes I think you are a genius!
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Meaning… that is why I offered to call and HELP him. Cuz… you know, I totally have his back. Out of sympathy.
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themuttprincess: I transform when my sword is struck by lightning too. It’s pretty cool.
sally: can I call you sally?
I am definitely evil genius in training at the very least. 
AmyD: Oh don’t make me jump up on Mike’s side. Your plans would not be nearly as effective if someone called to warn him…
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