OK, so I’m feeling a little guilty this morning.

Contrary to Sunday’s elaborate web of posts here, here, here and here… Avitable is NOT having a baby.  Nor is his wife.  Right now.

You see, Amy and I have been the victim of a few Avitable pranks in the past.  And after one such prank that involved questioning the sexual activity of Amy’s oldest child… well… we decided it was time for a little tit for tat revenge.  (And by “we”, I’m pretty sure I mean to imply that the idea was all Amy’s initially.  Which totally has to count for something, right?)

Avitable does not have kids.  Avitable does not, currently, have any desire to have kids.  Amy and I?  Think that everyone should know the horrors share in the joy of parenthood.  Especially that little bastard.  So you could say we’ve been giving him a bit of a hard time about his DINK status lately (that’s dual-income-no-kids).  You know, because people who have kids are automatically older and wiser and “get” life so much better than people who don’t.  Right?

ANYway.  At one point we thought it would be the ultimate payback if somehow we could get Avitable’s wife knocked up.  Unfortunately, his wife is careful about what she drinks and despite numerous slips of the roofies, our operatives were not able to carry that plan out.

Next best thing – attack his blog.  I mean shit, being pregnant on the Internet is pretty much the same thing, right??

So.  We planned.  We plotted.  We studied his sentence structure and the casual way in which he and his wife communicated with one another.  We took note of what time he normally posted and when he went to bed… leaving his blog ungaurded and vulnerible.  It was the perfect plan…

And on Sunday at about 1:30 in the morning, all that planning finally came to a head!  Wonderfully!  Masterfully!  We hooted and hollered and e-slapped each other on the back for a job well done!

And then YOU people ran over there and gushed your support.

Damn.  You were all so encouraging.  And heart warming.  And… fuck… sincere.

Suddenly the ultimate prank on Avitable started to feel like this cruel scheme against you all, the kind, loving and INNOCENT people of the Internet.  We were toying with your emotions.  We were playing too close to home.  We were setting you up for a rollercoaster ride we knew would end badly.

It was like that guy I dated during Prom Season all over again.

So, um, sorry.  I completely underestimated 1) how believable our little prank would end up being (genius!!  genius!!) and 2) your amazing capacity for awesomeness.

Shame on me.  Bad, bad, Britt.

If only I could figure out how to use my powers for profit.  Er, good.  I meant good, I swear.

Because evil or not… that son of a bitch was a logistical MASTERPIECE!!!!

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