I installed ShortStats yesterday - oh, about mid-morning sometime. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a kind of stats tracker plug in that is easier to read than what I had previously been using.
In short, it tells me how many people are reading, where they are coming from, blah blah blah.
It also tells me what keywords people use to find me via Google.
Yes, it’s one of those posts. Again. But this particularly funny. Or disturbing. I promise.
In ONE day, here are a few words people used to find me:
- mardi gras boob shots - ironically, I have neither been to Mardi Gras, or granted boob shots. Ask Avi.
- MOST CAVERNOUS VAGINA - what the fuck is up with the caps, dude? And, for the record, I do not have a cavernous vagina. Seriously. I swear. I promise. I can provide references.
- sexy women - finally. Thank you. Yes, we are.
- sex - ohhhh the irony. I am so not the expert here. Well, I mean, I’m an expert, I’m just not practicing. Frequently. Or rather, er, uh - next!
- Miss Underwear 2007 - is there a prize? Because I am totally down for a competition if there is a prize.
- tampon inside vagina pictures - oh now that is just wrong. I mean, details are one thing. But pictures? Even I cross the line there.
- my vagina - I am just sitting here pondering what in the hell someone expected to find by typing “my vagina” into Google. Do you think someone out there knows something that you don’t? “Vagina” I could see. But my vagina? Really?
- can the universe help me? - if that doesn’t work, may I suggest WWMBD.
- A. M. Britt June 2007 - OK, that kind of freaks me the fuck out. I would however like to put out there that if someone is inclined to stalk me, jewelry is the way to go. I’m just sayin’.
- gorgeous ass - pfft. Back it up with something shiny buddy and we’ll talk. (or a drink, I might take a drink)
So, that’s it. And these all came in ONE day. One afternoon actually.
Why don’t I get searches for “people I can pay to blog” or “women who I should listen to” or “need to buy someone’s affection”? Because I could totally help with that shit too.
I’m just sayin’.
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Posted in Blogging and Bloggers - Tips, Contests and Stuff for Bloggers
Ya know, I get TONS of vagina google hits. But the strange thing is…they spell it “vagania”. Like I have 12-year-old boys looking it up or something. Good god, COME ON!
I mean, someone looking for vagina pictures? I can see that, I suppose. But someone looking for vagania pictures? Get a life, kid.
And possibly a Playboy.
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you are cute and i loooooooooooooove your blog
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I will never forget…Once someone found my old blog by searching “masturbating mother in law”. It scarred me for life.
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I just feel bad for that guy who was clearly hard up for porn and must have had a real need to see tampon in vagina pictures.
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Some of these are wrong on so many levels.:lol:
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I just Googled “Miss Underwear 2007″ to see if there really was one, but it looks like it’s just you.
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Used tampon pics? Ick!!!
And that stalker one IS kind of freaky.
Whackos everywhere …
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You are internet vagina famous. I bet there is an award somewhere….
I just wonder what people are thinking when they type that shit in…. Or rather not thinking.
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Just stumbled upon your blog, though not through anything fun like googling deviant porn ideas, just through a friends blog. You are one funny chick! I love reading your stuff and just LMAO - especailly that drunk video - that was just COMEDY! I’ve had my fair share of drunken ramblings but never thought to record it! BRILLIANT!
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I pinkpuffyheart ShortStat. I just cleared out my stats the other day (those tables get huge very quickly) so I don’t have any really interesting SE hits. My favorite so far this week is “Mel Gibson fires rockets into Israel.”
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Chase: I have a rule. You can’t get near my vagina unless you can spell it.
You know, now that I think about it, maybe I need to up my requirements a tad.
Maisha: Yes, yes I am. I am also witty. And charming. And brilliant.
But you’re new here, you’ll pick up on that.
heather: oh my God I now need to go throw up. My kids are at my mother-in-laws house right now.
I can only hope they are being properly supervised.
avitable: you feel bad because he didn’t end up at your blog - where he would have most likely had all of his needs fulfilled.
Maria: some of them? I’d say ALL of them.
Well, except for Miss Underwear 2007. I do look cute in black lace.
Joe the Troll: a win still counts, even if the field was small.
J.: don’t scare him off. I’m waiting for diamonds.
themuttprincess: I know - Vaginas and Prince, my claims to fame. :roll:
Christine: I appreciate anyone who recognizes both my comedic brilliance and - well - yeah, I guess just that.
You may stay. :mrgreen:
Joefish: you bring up an excellent point Joe.
It’s time to update my smilies.
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Running over to check what awful things people have searched for and found me.
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Miss Britt? Well, she’s got a gorgeous ass, but oh Lord, that cavernous vagina of hers? Bitch, please.
Just trying to help.
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Check this one out from my logs:
“love letters to brothers britt”
What the fuck?
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AmyD: well dont fret over the “mommybloggers who give head” - that was just me
Mr. Fabulous: you could have stopped at gorgeous ass, thanks
Championable: ha ha ha ha ha - that’s how rumors get started you know
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Holy dog shit. Most people find my blog using the search terms “embalming photos” or “mortuary photos”. But then again, I’m a mortician in training so it kinda makes sense.
Kinda.
But it still scares me.
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I have only been reading for a few days and sadly I found your blog through a friend as well. I’d love it if someone who found you through such odd searches were to comment and say hey I’m the tampon searching dude. I must say that some of those searches gave me unwelcome visual images. Thanks for the laugh.
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