I can’t believe I’m about to say this…
but…
I think I may have too many pairs of shoes.
(ACKKKKKKKK!!! HELP!!! SHIT!!!!!!!!! THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN SCREAMING NOW AND REPENT! REPENT! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!)
/freak out
Actually, no. No end freak out because this is just fucking wrong. A girl should never have to lament about having too many shoes.
Here’s the dilemma. As I have mentioned over and over and over again here, I’m selling my house. The house that I live in. The house that still has all of my STUFF in it.
In an effort to showcase the beauty of the house - which is for sale - and detract from the beauty of all of my stuff - which is most definitely NOT for sale… I’m getting rid of shit by the truckloads. I’m giving away furniture and appliances. I’m hauling literal truckloads of crap to the local Goodwill. I’m throwing away huge contractor garbage bags full of shit. I have filled dumpsters full of crap too big or too nasty to haul or give away myself. I’m also jamming a storage shed full of the shit that isn’t exactly shit - the things I do indeed want to hang on to, but that don’t need to be out on display for the parade of potential buyers to ogle.
Because really, this has nothing to do with making the house seem less cluttered and everything to do with avoiding the inevitable ogling. Jealousy is a mortal sin. I’m just trying to do my part here.
ANYway - I’ve cleaned out my closet. It looks twice as big now and that’s grand. But in doing so I had to leave myself only one over the door shoe rack. Which is supposed to contain all of the shoes that my husband and I intend to wear until we move.
No problem. I wittled and sorted and cleaned and tossed and put away into storage until I was left with just enough shoes to fill the shoe rack.
Fuck. I was still wearing a pair. So was my husband. I threw away two more pairs of his - problem solved.
Shitfuck. I left a few pairs in the bathroom. And at the bottom of the stairs. And under the couch and the dining room table and my desk. Hmmmm….
Well a nice neat row of Heels To Hang Onto In Case I Am Invited To Something Fancy lined neatly below my dresses won’t be too bad. Yeah. I can make that work.
My husband then informs me that we are getting rid of the chest of drawers in our entry way. And, yeah, it’s time for that to go anyway. No problem. Ummm…. except… cocksuckin’ son of a bitch. That is three drawers jam packed full of shoes.
(I feel like I should disclaim here that those were not all my shoes. My son had one pair of flip flops and my husband had a pair of Doc Martin sandals in there. Those things are kind of big and take up space. Seriously. I do not have a problem.)
So I have now sorted - again. Cried, weeped, kissed and said my goodbyes - again. Thrown away, given away, and packed away - again.
And I am still left with about 10 additional pairs of shoes that I might have a very legitimate reason to wear sometime over the next month or so before we move out of here. I mean you just never KNOW what a girl could encounter. Aren’t our mothers always telling us to be prepared?
Do people look under beds when they go to look at a house to potentially buy? Because seriously, I am running out of ingenious places to store these fuckers.
Oh. Shit.
I am wearing a pair of sandals right now that I had not previously factored into the equation.
And I just found two more pairs under my desk.
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Wouldn’t that be desPAIRation… as in a PAIR of shoes?!?
Bwahh ha ha haaah! I crack me up!
June 25th, 2007 at 1:33 am
Now, now. There is no thing as too many shoes. You could always just fill the trunk of your car and your husband’s car with shoes. That way, they’re not IN the house where they can be seen but readily accessible.
You’re welcome. I live to serve.
June 25th, 2007 at 2:11 am
You think you know someone…
June 25th, 2007 at 4:18 am
What’s the old saying? “The size of a woman’s shoe closet is closely correlated the size of her vagina?”
June 25th, 2007 at 7:29 am
Are you related to my wife???????
June 25th, 2007 at 7:49 am
I can honestly tell you that while I was house hunting, I never had any inclination to look UNDER someone’s bed. Get yourself as many storage boxes as you have beds and keep your shoes around. The rest of your family are not allowed to have any more shoes in play than you have already determined.
Next problem…….
June 25th, 2007 at 7:50 am
Dave2: fuck I am always spelling something wrong!
Kentucky Girl: and since I can’t actually wear shoes in the house right now with the new floors… that is BRILLIANT!
Mr. Fabulous: and then they go and hate on Mickey… I know!!
avitable: my shoe closet is a tight fit
which is why I’m always looking for other places to stick them
greg t: yes - and I expect her to leave me her shoes in her will, please.
Wicked H: I keep trying to tell them, sacrifices have to be made!
June 25th, 2007 at 9:09 am
:lmfao:
June 25th, 2007 at 9:15 am
Can’t you just forego the child’s room for shoe space?
June 25th, 2007 at 10:13 am
The good thing about moving/selling is that you get to inventory your shoes. You get to make observations about what kind of shoes you are going to have to purchase once you finally move. I got rid of 1/2 of my purses and shoes when I moved…. And so far I have bought more than that to compinsate for my generosity to the local Goodwill……. (just giving you a way to feel better about getting rid of them)
June 25th, 2007 at 10:33 am
I notice you didn’t update this to reflect the two or three pairs you found on the patio.
June 25th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Couldn’t you put two pair on the dog? And then hide some in your son’s closet? Or your daughter’s? And then a pair or two in the dresser you are keeping? And then some under the bathroom sink or in the kitchen cupboard labelled “spices”?
June 25th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
avitable:
Jay: I could… but I don’t think the child would fit under my bed as well
themuttprincess: excellent point!
AmyD: I found ONE pair on the porch! ONE!
(and one in another corner, sshhh!!)
Poppy: you lable your cupboards?!? :twitchy:
June 25th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
No, I am not that domestic.
June 25th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
I myself have never faced this dilema… I am not a shoe whore like yourself, how I wish I was, but I never seem to buy them, I have 5 pairs of shoes! I am so not a real woman!
June 25th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Hon, you can never have too many shoes, purses, or jewelry. It’s a God-given right.
I’ve tagged you, btw.
June 25th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Wrong, wrong, wrong! There is no such thing as too many shoes.
Do you have room in your closet to hang the extras on hangers? You could probably hang 2-3 pairs on each hanger.
June 25th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
My deal is, I don’t talk about shoes, my wife doesn’t talk about cars. We respect the effects of each other’s genetic predispositions. So I got nothing for you.
June 25th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Umm… Ok soul shoe sister. You have obviously either been UFOnapped or joined a cult. You will now need to be Deprogrammed.
Please repeat this 575 times:
-There is no such thing as too much money or too many shoes.
Get better sister. I can’t lose another one of you to this disease of non-consumerism.
June 25th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
There is no such thing as to many shoes. You are looking at the problem all wrong. You obviously have not enough closet space. Hence, the need to move. Any man who tells you otherwise is wrong. And should be dealt with accordingly. :violent006:
June 25th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
OMFG! A girl shouldn’t have to worry her pretty little head about issues like that. There should be plenty of room for all shoes ánd possible future shoes at all time… I personally blame the husband… It must be his fault…
June 26th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
I would be more likely to buy a house if it were packed with shoes that I liked.
June 28th, 2007 at 11:15 am
Wow! I would never be able to get rid of that much stuff, especially shoes. I mean you never know when you might need a certain pair…guess that just means you get to go shoe shopping when you move :)
June 28th, 2007 at 11:59 am