OK, so I kinda thought this whole What Would Miss Britt Do thing would take off a little more. I mean surely there are people out there at crossroads, desperate for answers and guidance, confident that I am just the person to provide both.
Dear Miss Britt,
I have a… friend… yes… he’s a friend… who seems to have a slight obsession with… let’s say… the color orange… yes, that’s it… and his obsession is wildly known throughout the blogosphere… because you know, orange is the new pink and stuff… but now… for some reason… people IRL seem to think there is the obsession with the color… when in fact IRL he actually likes… mmmm… let’s say red and black… just for arguments sake… so how does he explain to the world at large that while the blogosphere should be orange… he actually does not want an orange bathrobe, orange slippers, orange sweatshirts, or orange mittens for any occasion (although he is not against an orange baseball cap as his collection is missing one of that color, or orange afghans because they keep his fat ass warm in winter)… so what is he to do?
Thank you for your help,
Living A Tangerine Nightmare
First of all Dawg, er, I mean “LATN”, you’re getting presents? From other people? That you don’t have to pay for yourself and then wrap up and act all surprised at yourself about? And you’re bitching?
Ohhhhhh Kayyyyy. Let me very clear. If people in the blogosphere or in real life would like to send me gifts - please do. Freely. With little or no regard to whether or not they would be “perfect” or “just good enough” (but include a gift receipt, ya know, just in case).
Now that we have THAT out of the way (and in case you missed it, “that” was “please send gifts, thank you”).
I think the deeper issue here (and one I may be able to write an actual post about) is people “in real life” often have a hard time reconciling what they see online with what they read on the Internet. And, for that matter, people on the Internet are often surprised to learn that there are whole big parts of us that they don’t know about - or really understand.
Actually, people we meet in any circumstance are kind of like that. I know I do that to other people. You know XYZ about a person and you kind of fill in the rest based on assumptions and stereotypes and what-not’s. I’m always a little surprised to find people are more dimensional than what I had originally given them credit for.
I think people would be surprised to know that the Eucharist makes me teary eyed. And strip clubs kinda make me hot. :-)
I love pedicures and manicures and product! product! product! But I’m sitting here right now covered head to toe in paint, having just climbed out of a tree from which I painted a fence. My back is aching, my nails are broken, my hair is disgusting - and I do this kind of crap all the damn time. And tomorrow I will wear heels.
ANYway - we show bits and pieces of us at a time. That’s the way it goes. Online, you love orange. In real life, you don’t want to be covered in it. I get that. Online people see me as kind of Marilyn obsessed and Prince crazed. And while I am, in fact, Prince crazed - I don’t really have some big thing for Marilyn. I mean - she’s cool and all, and blonde, and knew how to work a room AND a size 12. But I don’t have pictures or anything of her all over my house. I just like the damn picture for my first blog and it kinda stuck with me.
(why does this keep coming back to me?!)
OK, what would I do? What should you do?
Dude - just TELL people. Drop subtle hints at first about how you LOVE some black and red mixed in with the Orange. And when that doesn’t work (because subtle hints rarely work for gifts) - starting asking for receipts. And explaining that you would like the robe in black. Or red. Or pink, or what the fuck ever.
And… holy shit… do you people realize I just rambled on and on about gifts in orange? Seriously?
Come ON people! Send me some shit!!
xoxox
Miss Britt
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Do you have posters and Prince crap all over your house since you’re ‘Prince crazed’, then? Do you want us to send you stuff like that?
May 14th, 2007 at 1:29 am
Please let LATN know that he is free to pass all of his unwanted gifts to me.
I love orange. It’s my favorite color. Has been my entire life.
It’s hard to find things in orange that don’t look like they should be draped around a guy carrying a rifle.
I guess Hunter Green just wouldn’t be as effective out in the woods.
May 14th, 2007 at 1:33 am
Stop yer bitchin’ dude. Who in their right mind complains about receiving gifts??? No one ever sends me gifts…orange or otherwise and I LOVE the color orange IRL.
Maybe if you stop telling everyone that orange is the new pink, they’d stop thinking that you love the fucking color so fucking much. Dork. :roll:
I still pink puffy heart you
DawgLATN.May 14th, 2007 at 5:25 am
Is it weird that receiving communion makes me hot and strip clubs make me teary eyed?
May 14th, 2007 at 6:06 am
Women with broken nails taking the Eucharist in a tree while dressed in orange makes me hot.
May 14th, 2007 at 6:18 am
Um, wow, I’m not really sure if that was even a ? that I would have been able to answer. Congrats Miss Britt on not resorting to a string of obscenities like I would have on what this problem looks like to people who have ACTUAL problems in their lives. If I wrote a blog it would be called Miss Bitch when someone pulled that kind of crap.
May 14th, 2007 at 7:26 am
Yeah, I wouldn’t have known how to advise on this one either. I once had a job that had folks giving me dog-themed gifts and cards all the time. But I pretty much was like, well, I set myself up for this… it was actually kind of cool to see how many dog-themed birthday cards there actually are in the world.
Rock on.
May 14th, 2007 at 7:37 am
Jester: SWEET! Problem solved!
Denise:
avitable: yes, and sad, and disturbing, and makes me cry for your poor wife
RW: I know, I know - I rambled a bit. :mrgreen:
Gabrielle: forced to by slim pickin’s
Kelly: you sent me a list of one line hypothetical, abstract questions - more like a “getting to know you” then anything else. That’s not really the point of this feature. :-)
Think of it more as a Dear Abby. Kinda. Sorta. With more swearing.
And in regards to your other question? You get help. ASAP.
Championable: why am I the only one not being showered with gifts?
May 14th, 2007 at 8:27 am
Of course, it’s very true. I dislike the whole concept of strip clubs immensely. And I would spend the boring hour of church thinking about the hot girls in their Catholic school girl skirts so when I had to get up and get communion I invariably had an erection.
May 14th, 2007 at 8:31 am
so can we send in random made up problems?
May 14th, 2007 at 9:15 am
It is very interesting how we all have layers. (I like to think I’m the same online and IRL, but let’s be honest, I am probably a lot nicer here….)
May 14th, 2007 at 9:57 am
Orange - I love orange - Duh!!
EX Hooters Girl??
Send the shizz my way, I will put it into my Hooters collection and Orange memorabilia room.
May 14th, 2007 at 10:05 am
I think I sent LATN a pair of faux croc stilettos in burnt orange. I would like them back.
May 14th, 2007 at 10:41 am
Between orange, red, and black, I got completely lost. Which reminds me, I still haven’t done anything to my fireplace mantle yet.
May 14th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Wow. That was a very well thought out answer to a question of HUGE magnitude.
If I didn’t know better… I’d think your name was Solomon… :mrgreen:
May 14th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
I tried to comment last night, but it didn’t go through… I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it had something to do with whether or not your house had a shrine to Prince?
May 14th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
My SIL used to tell people how she loved frogs and then she got so many frog-related presents she almost died. for realsies.
May 14th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
I did? Oh. Well dang; forget I said anything then.
May 17th, 2007 at 8:16 am
Hey, could you delete that post I made up there? Not that anyone’s dwelling on it or anything, but still… I don’t think it’s something I’d like just anyone to see. Couldja? Please?
May 17th, 2007 at 8:21 am