OK, so I finally broke down and bought The Secret.
And I read it.
And you know what? I’m glad I did. I’ve been using my new found magical powers for all SORTS of fun shit - my little brother is moving out, I got a hard to get massage appointment ON THE SPOT and enjoyed the absolute best massage EVER (in IOWA, no less! miracles, i tell ya!), I am in a kick ass mood and I have now decided that the Universe has sold my house. Now. To-DAY mutherfucka!
And there is my dilemma.
See, I want to be enlightened and abundant and shit. I want to vibrate at a higher frequency and be all love and joy and beauty and richer than shit. I really do. Fuck, I AM beauty and love and joy, bitches!
Shit. There I go again.
See… I also want - no, need - to be funny. Really, really, funny. Piss-yo-pants funny. And airy-fairy Secret keeping people? Not so funny.
I mean, really. Seriously. When was the last time you laughed with a yoga instructor? Hmmm?
Do you think the Universe is offended by the word fuck? Does the Universe thinks it’s funny to be referred to as “mah bitch”?
Holy fuck. Does the Universe GET MY JOKES??! Because, you see, if I suddenly have tapped into this all-manifesting power and stuff, some people out there could be seriously… well… fucked. I mean, when I tell Adam to go fuck himself - wait, bad example.
When I tell Amy to go…um…er… damn you people and your whorish ways.
OK, well what if I let fly some random joke about some random person going to fuck themselves? Or, um (why can’t I think of a joke that doesn’t involve cursing?!?)… um… suck my dick? No, wait, still cursing…
Dammit! OK, my POINT here is that I do want to be happy happy joy joy rolling in dough and glow and shit stuff. But I still want to be ME. I still want to brush my hair and bathe and wear synthetic fabrics. I want to drink and flip off strangers who cut me off and do that cute little thing where I let loose a whole string of vulgarity in that high pitched pekingese voice that makes it distasteful yet charming.
Internet, tell me. Help me out here. Hook a sister up with some TRUTH.
Can I be enlightened and abundant and magnificent, and still say Fuck?
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I certainly fucking hope so or I’m fucked…
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:49 am
I think that in order to merge the Yin and the Yang, to calm the roaring ocean in our souls, to dampen the hemorrhage of inner peace, and to truly become enlightened… saying FUCK is mandatory.
That… and rubbing my belly.
Now get to it.
May 23rd, 2007 at 2:06 am
Once you have these magical powers, if you tell someone to suck your dick, does this mean you’re going to grow a dick? Because I don’t now if I’ll want to see your boobs after that.
..
..
Well, I guess I still will. Boobs are boobs.
May 23rd, 2007 at 6:19 am
Shit yeah.
May 23rd, 2007 at 6:48 am
Why the fuck not?
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:31 am
Duh.
Gosh - I keep telling you that “fuck” is not a, like, heinous word to use. Jeez, Britter, it’s just a word - like sandwich.
No, I don’t use it when I talk to Father but I also don’t use words like “vagina” and “sphygmomanometer” and other words that just don’t apply in that situation.
And my favorite thing about you is your Pekinese voice.
Just remember, feelings tell and it makes you happy and laughing so, by definition, that’s a good thing.
May 23rd, 2007 at 9:24 am
Can I be enlightened and abundant and magnificent, and still say Fuck?
Hell, yeah!!
I tell people all the time that I am a focused, dedicated spiritual seeker AND my very favorite word off all times is “ASS!”
May 23rd, 2007 at 9:51 am
Is it wrong that I interpret “vibrate at a higher frequency” in completely different ways?
May 23rd, 2007 at 10:19 am
How can you be enlightened and not use the word f*ck?
May 23rd, 2007 at 10:41 am
Fucking right you can. Fuck is just a word.
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:20 am
Fuck yeh you can. Then come to me for confession!!!
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Well, shit fuck, Britt. That’s just WHO you are and isn’t someone who is truly enlightened just REALLY being WHO they are? Ya know? Look at Neale Donald Walsch - he cusses and he TOTALLY has a sense of humor and yet, that dude is SO enlightened and at peace… I mean, come on.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:45 pm
shit, I bet even Gandhi liked to let loose with a few F-bombs. I’m sure you’re OK. :)
May 23rd, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Mother fucking shit - fuck yeah.
May 23rd, 2007 at 3:55 pm
If you live in Iowa, you can do any damn thing you please, ‘cuz The Universe don’t even know yer alive. I know, I used to live there. It’s a Universal Vacuum. ;-)
May 23rd, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Hells Yeah! :mrgreen:
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Hell to the Fucking Yes you can say Fuck. I like to slip fuck into other words to see if people notice - like the Meow from SuperTroopers. Seriously - I love the word maybe a little more than the act itself. Sad?? Probably. But who the fuck cares…
May 23rd, 2007 at 9:15 pm
I quote the immortal last words of General George Armstrong Custer:
“Holy shit, where’d all them fucking indians come from?!”
May 24th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Ab-so-fucking-lutly!
I use it like salt and fucking pepper…adds flavor and spice to life.
I use it like exclamation points too.
And really, the Universe is totally raining all it’s good vibe shit all over my fucking life right about now.
So, rock the fuck on!
May 24th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
I don’t suppose it’s possible to post a fucking comment without using the word, today, now is it?!
May 29th, 2007 at 11:10 am