Sometimes truth is better than fiction.
And sometimes, it is just a really, really bad idea to decide to deal with tech support really late at night when you’re really, really tired.
And bored.
And think it would be funny to amuse yourself by screwing with some poor tech support guy.
Copied and Pasted directly from the chat transcript:
04/24/2007 10:34:13PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Thank you for patiently waiting. You have reached Dell Hardware Warranty Chat Support. My name is JOSEPH and I will be assisting you today. In order for me to help you, can you provide details about the issue you’re having?”
04/24/2007 10:34:39PM Britt _: “my keyboard isn’t working”
04/24/2007 10:34:42PM Britt _: “specifically….”
04/24/2007 10:34:53PM Britt _: “the b, n space, question mark and down arrows”
04/24/2007 10:35:26PM Britt _: “hello??” (apparently 30 seconds is too long for a princess to wait)
04/24/2007 10:35:52PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Britt, I will be glad to work with you on resolving the keyboard problem, let me verify a little information and then we’ll get started.”
04/24/2007 10:36:44PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “To ensure we are working with the correct system, are you chatting about the Inspiron 1501 listed on your account?”
04/24/2007 10:37:00PM Britt _: “yes”
04/24/2007 10:37:36PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Thank you. I can replace that keyboard for you, Britt. Can I get your current shipping address, please?”
04/24/2007 10:37:48PM Britt _: “what??”
04/24/2007 10:37:57PM Britt _: “”
04/24/2007 10:38:02PM Britt _: “so you’re not even going to try to fix it??”
04/24/2007 10:38:36PM Britt _: “it’s a laptop, you know that, right?”
(because you should always question a man’s intelligence when he’s trying to help you. They love that.)
04/24/2007 10:38:59PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Yes. And if any key stops working, it has to be replaced.”
04/24/2007 10:39:22PM Britt _: “ok - are you going to replace the entire laptop then?”
04/24/2007 10:40:07PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “No. The keyboard is easy to replace, so I can send it as parts only, but if you do not want to or feel comfortable installing it, we can send it to our repair depot.”
04/24/2007 10:40:37PM Britt _: “it is easy to replace?”
04/24/2007 10:41:12PM Britt _: “if i try to and screw it up, can i call you then and say “Oh my god i suck, never mind, fix it for me?!?!” because i need a plan b here”
(this must have been the point where the delirium set in and I became convinced that all Joseph needed was to really be able to connect with someone)
04/24/2007 10:42:49PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If something goes wrong in the installation, we will take care of it. Let me show you a link that illustrates how to do it.”
04/24/2007 10:43:13PM Britt _: “ok….”
04/24/2007 10:43:16PM Britt _: “waiting for the link….”
04/24/2007 10:43:25PM Britt _: “wow, you guys must have to look up everything!! lol”
04/24/2007 10:43:28PM Agent (RTS Joseph J) sends page:
04/24/2007 10:43:39PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Sometimes pages do load slowly.”
04/24/2007 10:44:01PM Britt _: “ok”
04/24/2007 10:44:08PM Britt _: “my husband says he can do it”
04/24/2007 10:44:10PM Britt _: “famous last words ya know joseph!”
04/24/2007 10:44:50PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If you get it and decide that it is too tough, it’s no problem to chat or call in for assistance with it.”
(poor Joseph, trying to remain professional)
04/24/2007 10:45:08PM Britt _: “awesome, that’ll do”
04/24/2007 10:45:20PM Britt _: “i was going to say “that’ll do Pig, that’ll do” - ya know, from the movie Babe”
04/24/2007 10:45:45PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Ok. Please give me 4-5 minutes while I get the order together for you and then I will provide some reference numbers and information.”
(and here is where I lose my damn mind)
04/24/2007 10:45:55PM Britt _: “great, thanks”
04/24/2007 10:46:00PM Britt _: “i’ll amuse myself here in the mean time”
04/24/2007 10:46:55PM Britt _: “laaa ddeeeeee dahhhh”
04/24/2007 10:47:00PM Britt _: “laaa deeee dahhh”
04/24/2007 10:47:10PM Britt _: “i bet this sounds better in real life than it looks in a chat window”
04/24/2007 10:48:10PM Britt _: “you poor thing Joseph J, I am going to totally end up as your blog fodder, aren’t i?”
04/24/2007 10:49:29PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Luckily (unluckily?), I don’t keep a blog.”
(Oh my god, I think Joseph just made a joke!)
04/24/2007 10:49:41PM Britt _: “lol, oh you should”
04/24/2007 10:49:49PM Britt _: “you would have material for days :-)”
04/24/2007 10:50:20PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If only all customers were as fun.”
(see? he loves me, it’s obvious)
04/24/2007 10:50:42PM Britt _: “yeah well, it’s almost 11 o’clock at night, i’m deliriously tired”
04/24/2007 10:50:46PM Britt _: “and i’m online trying to fix my damn keys”
04/24/2007 10:50:56PM Britt _: “do you have any idea how hard it is to type without the b space and n??”
04/24/2007 10:51:09PM Britt _: “luckily, my mom just thinks i was asking about her itch”
(which, mom? totally kidding about this, you know this, right?)
04/24/2007 10:51:51PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Thanks for holding, Britt, it has been a great pleasure working with you today. I’m going to send you some important information for your records. I apologize for its lengthiness. Let me know if you have any questions about it.”
04/24/2007 10:52:06PM Britt _: “i will, thanks”
04/24/2007 10:52:08PM Britt _: “wait”
04/24/2007 10:52:11PM Britt _: “is that the right answer?”
04/24/2007 10:52:13PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Please use these numbers for future questions on this issue: case #18888 and dispatch #022222 .”
04/24/2007 10:52:18PM Britt _: “thank you - send it - great”
04/24/2007 10:52:26PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “For future reference, a copy of this chat will be sent to the email you provided as you entered the chat.”
04/24/2007 10:52:27PM Britt _: “you’re sending me those too? or do i have to write that down?” (because i’m starting to have a friggin’ heart attack here with all this information he’s throwing at me like bam! bam! bam!)
04/24/2007 10:52:33PM Britt _: “ROTFLMAO - awesomne”
04/24/2007 10:52:38PM Britt _: “awesome, that is”
04/24/2007 10:53:03PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “The entire chat will be emailed to you, so you don’t have to keep up with these details right now.”
04/24/2007 10:53:07PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “In accordance with your service contract, we have setup a “Parts Only” dispatch. The part(s) will be shipped by next business day carrier based on parts availability.”
04/24/2007 10:53:11PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If the dispatch is setup after 5:00 p.m. local time it may be deferred to the next business day. You should receive the part(s) in 1-3 business days.”
04/24/2007 10:53:14PM Britt _: “oh ok, good, i suck at details”
04/24/2007 10:53:17PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “You will find a return airbill in the box with the replacement parts. Please replace all included parts (including cables) and pack the old parts back into the box. Affix the included airbill to the outside of the box and call DHL at 1-800-247-2676 to hav”
e them returned to Dell Inc.
04/24/2007 10:53:21PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Please return the parts within 5 days of receipt of the replacement part(s). If Dell does not receive the part(s) back within 10 business days, you will be invoiced for the cost of the replacements.”
04/24/2007 10:53:24PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If you miss the initial return window and receive the invoice, please perform the replacement as soon as possible and complete the above steps to return the parts. Please include a note with the parts that you were invoiced. Be advised that it will take a”
pproximately 10 business days for Dell to process the returned parts.
04/24/2007 10:53:33PM Britt _: “oh woah, NOW you go fast”
04/24/2007 10:53:37PM Britt _: “this is the important stuff!”
04/24/2007 10:53:44PM Britt _: “(breathe, breathe, this crap is being emailed)”
04/24/2007 10:53:50PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If you need further assistance with this case, you may contact us via [Chat]: www.dell.com/chatsupport or [Email]: us_acs_team_1@dell.com (include your Case# and Service Tag) [Subject]: Team 317 Email Dell Inc. Case#12222″
04/24/2007 10:53:56PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “For service status, please go to http://support.dell.com 1. Log in. 2. Click on “My Order Status.” 3. Click on “My Support” and select “Service Call Status.” 4. Enter your Dispatch Reference# (Service Call Number) and Region or Service Tag.”
04/24/2007 10:54:04PM Britt _: “will i get you back?”
04/24/2007 10:54:09PM Britt _: “i like you joe, can i call you joe?”
04/24/2007 10:54:22PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Sure, you can call me Joe.”
(and now we’re in love)
04/24/2007 10:54:37PM Britt _: “sweet”
04/24/2007 10:54:40PM Britt _: “well thanks joe”
04/24/2007 10:54:43PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “If you do chat in, you likely would get another agent, but you can ask to transfer to me.”
(see? loooove)
04/24/2007 10:54:44PM Britt _: “you’ve been very helpful”
04/24/2007 10:54:51PM Britt _: “i will do that!”
04/24/2007 10:55:15PM Britt _: “it’s not often you find a guy that gets right to the point AND gets the job done”
04/24/2007 10:55:16PM Britt _: “bravo”
04/24/2007 10:55:21PM Britt _: “tell your boss you deserve a raise”
04/24/2007 10:55:25PM Britt _: “or at least a bonus”
04/24/2007 10:55:57PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Britt, it was great working with you today! What resolved your issue was to replace the keyboard. Were there any other questions regarding the system that I can help you with today?”
04/24/2007 10:56:23PM Britt _: “ummmm.. is what’s your number going too far? ;-)”
(people I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried)
04/24/2007 10:56:40PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “And I appreciate the compliment, my boss got a laugh out of it.”
(he’s talking about the getting the job done thing, keep up)
04/24/2007 10:56:42PM Britt _: “oh joe, i’m kidding” (i’m talking about the number thing - have to step back and play coy you know)
04/24/2007 10:56:49PM Britt _: “no, i have no other questions”
04/24/2007 10:56:52PM Britt _: “LOL”
04/24/2007 10:56:55PM Britt _: “well good”
04/24/2007 10:56:59PM Britt _: “someone should :-)”
04/24/2007 10:57:09PM Britt _: “everything is all taken care of - thank you!”
04/24/2007 10:57:19PM Britt _: “you have a good night joe”
04/24/2007 10:57:23PM Agent (RTS Joseph J): “Thank you for using Dell Hardware Warranty Chat Support. Have a great night!”
How many people do you know hit on their tech support guy in a chat room?
Psst... thanks for stopping by! I hope I didn't traumatize you too badly on your first visit. Remember to subscribe to my RSS feed if you want updates from the site!
Posted in uncategorized
Why all tech people should blog… to avoid that all dumbasses buy Dell PCs.
[Reply]
For a year, I was working under a non-solicitation agreement, and had to get a second job to support my new company while I built a new book of business. That second job was as a tech support guy at an ad agency in NYC.
My very first emergency-style tech call was from a senior-level manager who needed me to “recover exceptionally important email and files from my company laptop that I accidentally deleted.”
Turns out that he *meant* that he deleted his private collection of porn, hyper-explicit “date-me!” letters to various dudes, and, oh yeah, pictures of himself in a cowboy hat and leather thong. Now, I’m all for self expression, but the man weighed like 300 pounds.
One cool thing I learned about doing tech is how to handle folks who made natural-but-silly mistakes. The folks who can’t start their computer because it’s unplugged, can’t print because there’s no cable, etc. Everyone does it, including tech guys.
I learned to NEVER point it out… just plug in the cable and (this is the important part), wait about 25 seconds and appear to be doing something else to the computer. Then say “you’re all set!” and split. This prevents the end-user form being embarrassed, and gives you a bit of leeway later when something is REALLY messed up, and it takes more time. Having established competence, they’ll give you more leeway.
Shit, this is a long comment. Sorry.
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Be thankful that Joe could speak comprehensible English. Although he would have been smitten even with a language barrier. But you already know that….
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Franky, until recently, Dell’s notebooks were ranked among the highest for affordability and usability.
So, Britt, did your husband find you as amusing as you found yourself when chatting with this hapless tech support guy?
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franky: eh, I don’t need it to be able to code the world… just blog and check email and pay a few bills online
Championable: my husband used to do tech support for an ISP and I can’t tell you how many times I heard him say “so, I told her to turn the computer on….” and everything was fine.
Wicked H: I know, I really didn’t expect to get someone state side
avitable: my husband never thinks I’m as funny as I do
that’s why I’m the funny judge
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If you’re a funny judge, you’re Paula Abdul.
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Wow… that’s great… you hit on some guy from India. Expanding yourself to international horizons, huh? Good for you!
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See, this will be the downfall of man. When I try to get cute with MY tech support person, all I get is transfered to some schmo in India who can barely speak English. But you? You KNOW he wanted to play too but feared his responses were being monitored. Good god, woman; less than half an hour and he’s ready to father your children. See what a nice rack will get you?:wink:
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lengthiness? LENGTHINESS?
Yeesh. People think that big words make them sound more intelligent, but it doesn’t work when you’re going out of your way to invent a big word that doesn’t exist. “Lengthiness.” “Orientated.” Egad.
On the plus side, this guy belies the ubiquitous (it’s a real one, look it up :-) ) complaints about Dell support. He was a friendly, helpful guy.
[Reply]
Joe, lengthiness is an actual word.
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Now you just have to start stalking him for more blog fodder….
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I worked as a tech support tech (umm…) for a company I cannot name because I’ve been sworn to secrecy about sharing company secrets, but dear Joseph there has the easiest job in the world. Most the responses are pre-typed so your conversation pretty much goes like this.
———-
Agent (RTS Joseph J): *F1*
Britt _: “my keyboard isn’t working”
Britt _: “specifically….”
Britt _: “the b, n space, question mark and down arrows”
Britt _: “hello??” (apparently 30 seconds is too long for a princess to wait)
(RTS Joseph J): “Britt, *F6*”
(RTS Joseph J): *F3*
04/24/2007 10:37:00PM Britt _: “yes”
(RTS Joseph J): “Thank you. I can replace that keyboard for you, Britt. *F8*
And so on and so forth. The only reason why we haven’t been replaced by those chat bots is because we like to show we care by personalizing the message “Thanks for contacting me BRITT. *F5* (have a great day!)
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I have some issues with my laptop, I’m going to chat and ask for Joseph! :) Aww, dammit. He’s probably US only. Shit.Damn.Fuck. I want Joe!!!
Oh and installing the keyboard is easy. We had to do that with mine too.
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Lisa, that’s interesting. I didn’t realize it was that horrible!
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And we are back to the age old question.
IS your life really as funny as it sounds?
Or do you just have the knack to make any old thing sound funny?
Now you know. Truly, life is funny funny funny.
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You just have this burning need to make friends with almost every man you come across, don’t you?
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I am the “tech support guy”. Only other tech support guys hit on me, never the customers.
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lmao! that seemed like fun…I need to try that sometime!
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You’re a dirty hoo-er. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
None of my customers ever try to flirt with me, but that may have something to with the fact that I look at people like I might prefer killing them.
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Avitable -
“Length” is a word. “Lengthiness” is ridiculous.
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Joe,
“Lengthiness” is the noun form of the adjective “Lengthy”.
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Nerd fight!
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Joefish, Thursdays is the day that you don’t actually do any work, isn’t it?
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HAHAHAHAHA!
You guys are such cheap entertainment. I may never have to pay for a movie ticket again!
Now, which one of you might I be able to convince to smack another one of you in the nuts?
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Don’t trouble yourself, did anyone ever tell you you have a beautiful blogroll?
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Avi - Thursday is the day I often do less work. It just so happens there is little work today.
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Avitable -
“Lengthy” is the adjective form of the noun “length”.
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Looking at Dictionary.com, both words are there, but “length” has a longer entry. I also noted that “orientate” is there also, which means that this dictionary is based on common use rather than propriety. I mean, only a mouth-breather says “orientate” instead of “orient”, and I suspect the same of anyone who uses “lengthiness” instead of “length”.
[Reply]
I can’t believe I’m still arguing this.
“Lengthy” is not the adjective form of “length”. “Length” is a term of measurement. “Lengthy” actually means “long” or “overlong”. “Lengthiness” is the noun form of “long” or “overlong”.
Give it a fucking break.
[Reply]
Joe,
I checked with Merriam Webster, not dictionary.com.
I agree with you about “orientate”. It’s a ridiculous word and sets my hair on edge when people use it.
But “lengthiness” isn’t bad.
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This comment has nothing specifically to do with this post.
Damn, girl, you are funny! I found your blog through blogger’s choice awards. I’ll definately be visiting again!
Thanks for the laugh!
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I want to see someone get hit with a dictionary.
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After reading the “lengthiness” debate I can’t remember what my comment was at all anymore…
Oh yeah! I have friends who do tech support up here in Canada, and apparently when their “American” customers call in, they’re not allowed to say that they’re Canadian (they just have to say North of Grand Forks or something)…probably because they don’t want to be made fun of for saying “A-boot”
[Reply]
avitable: no one pays me to get drunk and make a fool of myself, unfortunately.
NYC Watchdog: I have decided he’s from the US. Most likely Arizona.
Kelly: oh you clearly have not seen my rack, lol - it’s nothing to get excited about believe me! :mrgreen:
Joe the Troll: he WAS very helpful, I got lucky with ol’ Joe!
(and i refuse to way in on a debate about “lengthiness” - as a rule)
themuttprincess: he did tell me how to find him, didn’t he? it’s a sign. He WANTS to be stalked
lisa: ah man Lisa, you’ve reduced it to something so… dirty!! :???:
Tracy: Joe strikes me as a worldly fellow
Mom: or do I go out of my way to create situations that are blog worthy?
AmyD: you shouldn’t fight your instincts, I say
Poppy: well, I’m sure having people in person flirty with you is much more rewarding anyway lol
webmiztris: you should! In fact, just make up something that’s wrong so you can try!
Joefish: I’m afraid of you too Joe
RW: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: I told you I read you!! Now I have to give all the credit to Joe for proving it
Linda: awwwww :oops: (of course the real question is, who did you vote for?!)
Princess of the Universe: And Minnesoota, right?
[Reply]
Arizona? How did you figure that out?
His IMcent???
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I’m all business at work so having people flirt with me there is pretty annoying. Except, of course, when it’s my ex-officemate. He can flirt with me anytime. :grin: And did I say clients never flirt with me? Because I just remembered one. Whoops.
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Joe - IN THE NUTS! (with a dictionary!)
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Amy, I have such a difficult time reconciling your hatred of nuts with your love of all things penis… :???:
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Britt, Britt, Britt…
There is NOTHING funnier than a nutshot. Have you NEVER seen America’s Funniest Home videos?
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Ha! I just found this blog and I must say - veerrryyy funny.
I work in technology - Now - and I have had lengthy conversations with TAC (technical assistance centers) on various subjects. At least you weren’t doing this over the phone with a person you couldn’t understand. I am now an expert at interpreting Hindi’ish - the bastardized version of “English” that is spoken by the 3rd world tech support folks.
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You had me literally laughing out loud! I hope you need tech support again soon.
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I fail to see the advantage of adding two syllables to the word “length” when the meaning is the same. ” I apologize for its lengthiness. ” “I apologize for its length.” Same thing. I think “lengthiness” is in the dictionary for the same reason that “orientate” and “ain’t” are….. that people say them widely, despite the fact that they are improper usages. No, I’m not an English teacher, but it irks me when people want to be taken seriously yet the can’t be bothered to use their own native language correctly.
[Reply]
Britt, actually the high performance systems of Dell are much more reliable than what they sell everyone. :P
@lisa : depends what company you worked for. I know CS (&only level 1 TS) at the company I work for (think black & credit cards) gets a year of training and they NEED a year training because it is that complex.
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Too bad all tech support isn’t like him. Makes life a lot easier on use tired and bored people.
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Ah the fond memories of working at Dell Tech Support… the night I got hit on by the lady from New York by phone… Intelligence is unbelievably sexy. Not a single adult word actually passed her lips, yet, I’ve seldom been phoned better :)
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Yes, this is the real Joe you blog about. One of my co-workers discovered your site and had to share it with me. And no, I’ve never even been to Arizona. :whistle:
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:lmfao: :lmfao:
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Funny thing is, I knew this would end up stored somewhere forever… why I never thought to look it up before is anybody’s guess. It just goes to show that after a while, NOTHING surprises you anymore.
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