For those of you not yet “in the know”, I will be leaving on a jet plane tomorrow headed for sunny Orlando and Avi. Because he has finally thrown enough money and promises of gorilla lovin’ my way.
I’m allowed two checked bags. So, naturally, I will be taking two checked bags. Avi, and my husband, are absolutely aghast that I would need two whole bags for a four day trip.
Pfft. Boys. Allow me, once again, to enlighten you.
Four days. Four days in Orlando with a sketchy itinerary of “we can do whatever you want to do”. Which means…
- at least one swimsuit. Because it’s fucking ORLANDO. And WARM. And SUNNY. Or, at least, warmer and more sunny than fucking Iowa. Now all the ladies know that the odds of me actually breaking out the teeny weeny bikini are slim to none. But it is still required packing.
- a just in case you take me out outfit. Or two. Actually, probably three. Because at home I will know exactly which jeans make my ass look amazing and which top makes my boobs look perky. And which ensemble together says sophisticated and classy and still hot. But once you get there? Well, once you get there you will inevitably say “what in the FUCK was I THINKING?!?!” So back up is a must.
- an outfit that says I can do laid back and cute. In case you don’t take me anywhere.
- an outfit that says I am not at all offended by being made to sit around your house all weekend. No. Really. Don’t feel bad. All this cuteness is totally NOT wasted on you. Really.
- an outfit that says you should offer me more money because you totally underestimated how fucking BRILLIANT I am. Actually, that’s less in the outfit and all in the shoes.
- the shoes. Minimum four pairs. Plus room for the ones I will buy while I’m there. Because one does not go… well.. anywhere… and not come home with new shoes.
- every single hair apparatus I own. Because naturally curly hair? Needs help. And Florida humidity? Oh My God Y’all there is no TELLING what kind of torture equipment is going to be necessary to tame these crazy ass locks.
- the tool box. Also known as my make up case. Also known as the magic necessary to take me from what the fuck rolled out of that bed to Hottie Bee Bo Bottie.
Fuck. I wonder what I’d have to do to check three bags?
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Is your husband going too? Maybe you could use one of his bags. Boys need less stuff than girls, obviously.
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Too bad you didn’t think of it earlier, you could have mailed it to Avi and had it when you were there.
But that could be a problem with all the violatin’ that could’ve been done by Avi to your stuff by the time you got there.
I’m bettin’ you’re going to have a blast!!
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And if you run out of outfits, we can always go shopping to buy something else. I’m sure I can find a K-mart around here somewhere. That is where you get clothes in Iowa, right? :twisted:
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Good Lord! The benefit of being low maintenance is so clear to me now.
Have a fabulous time!
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Don’t forget to pack dental floss. I’m not nagging, I’m just being helpful.
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Makes perfect sense to me. I always pack more than I need and rarely wear everything I bring. Don’t forget sunscreen! :twisted:
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Very subtle, darling. :mrgreen:
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You’re nothing like the CCD teahers I had.
Just wondering, what would you pack if you were traveling to an Islamic country?:smile:
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Sheila: No, he’s not. Which shit, I hadn’t thought of that. Normally “you may check two bags” means “you get to pack three” because he only uses one. Crap!!!
Michelle: I’m already a little nervous about the waiver he faxed over for me to sign.
avitable: have you forgotten you are supposed to be WOOING me?!?!??
We. must. talk.
Mist 1: of course. one pair for each day. And an extra for just in case. Thanks Mist!
AmyD: I just bought sunscreen the other day - as referred to me by an awesome internet beauty site, of course!!
Mom: it’s my middle name :-)
Stephen: why are people always saying that about me vs. other CCD teachers?!?
If I was going to an Islamic country what would I pack? My ticket. Because it would surely only be a layover.
I don’t think I’d do very well in a patriarchal society.
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I thought you were wooing me? Damn.
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Hey Miss Britt!
Just dropping in to say hello and check out my competition for the Hottest Mommy Blogger. I can see why you’re in the lead!
Now I have TWO things to be jealous about….you kicking my ass in the Blogger’s Choice Awards and you’re going to Orlando. Please don’t tell me you’re going to Disney World, or I will totally die of envy. :razz:
Seriously though, good luck in the competition (not that you need it!) and I hope you have a wonderful trip!
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