I always wanted to be a key player in blog drama. Actually, I always wanted to be the sexy heroine in the love triangle of a soap opera. But blog drama is pretty close.
ANYway, Avitable has officially called me out. Do you know what that cocksucker said last night?? He said that he is a better WRITER than me! (insert appropriate amounts of gasp of shock and awe and horror, please) Which is complete and utter bullshit. Bull. Shit.
I will spare you the gory details because – well – no one needs to see that kind of ugliness before a full round of coffee. But what it comes down to is the fact that I diplomatically explained that you cannot compare his blogging to mine. His blogging is about fart jokes and fisting and making you laugh. And I do. Every single time. Sometimes with a little puke in my mouth, which is awkward. But I definitely laugh.
My blogging, however, is about the inner most personal workings of my soul. My SOUL, y’all. Like Prince. And my MySpace page (that I totally pimped last night and you fuckers need to go there and ADD ME and COMMENT ME and add to my street cred BITCHES!!) And the horror that is cat vomit and shit.
Pfft. That man cannot even compare to my deepness.
ANYway – blog drama. The fucker called my ass out this morning. Yeah. I know! He basically came right out and said he was funny because “that’s how you should look at life”, and I – by default then – am a stick in the mud.
He said. I wasn’t. Funny.
(basically)
It is so ON. Hack my blog and photoshop nudie pictures of me that I gave you IN CONFIDENCE. Hack my blog and tell everyone I have sex with animals. Take away my MySpace and PM privileges with your constant barrage of guilt trips.
But do NOT say that I’m not funny. Pfft. I am the FUNNY JUDGE, FUCKER!!! My entire life revolves around the fact that I know what is FUNNY, dammit.
I’m not funny? Really? You better watch your furry little ass, Mister. Because I WILL strike back. I promise you that. Sometime soon. When you least expect it. Mark my fucking words.
I will make you piss yourself.
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Nice try, princess.
You are definitely funny. You make me chuckle and sometimes I even laugh out loud in my office, eliciting strange looks from other people.
However, the point of my post was not calling you a stick in the mud (which I absofuckinglutely did not do, drama girl), but to explain why every one of my posts has a light-hearted slant. (Since some bitches think that I’m all funny and shit as a way to guard my “true self”.)
And I am a better writer than you are. Funny, serious, whatever. It’s okay – doesn’t mean that you’re bad. You’re not. I’m just better.
Smooches!
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Britt–
You both are funny. Avitable is funny on the cusp of discusting. You are funny because it is real and heartfelt. I have honestly laughed reading both your blogs. I am looking forward the the can of whoop-ass that has been brought in the form of HILARIOUS posts……
TMP
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Miss Britt, you ARE funny, but you are a woman, a wife, a mother. Avi, on the other hand, while I’ve seen evidence that he has a very serious side, is a GUY, who depends on his lovely wife for A LOT (namely covering his ass with the dead hookers and all).
My point is, you’re DIFFERENT. Avi is NOT a better writer than you — he has a different STYLE, a funny, goofy-guy style (he’s Hemingway compared to me, but that’s a different subject).
No worries, k?
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You are both remarkably deep. I am a better person for it.
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Ummm, well, hmmm. This nice. You might recall I witnessed said exchange last night… and umm, well, that’s all I’m saying about it.
And for the love of God, set the new template to default this thing is screwing up on me again!
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I didn’t realize the new one was done! I like this new design, although “Just Blonde” is still my favorite.
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I’m with you Britt. It’s these fucking Floridians… they think they are the Lord’s gift to blogging… because they are “NICE” and “FUNNY”.
I think your a better writer. If it wasn’t for you… I would not know what it feels like to dance onstage with The Artist Formerly Known As Squiggly Line. You show him… I got your back.
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I will admit, that Prince post was awesome. But if I had been there and written it, you would have ejaculated and cried while reading it.
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Miss Britt,
It’s obvious from your humor, being the best blog writer EVAR and your worship of things Prince, you may well be perfectly suited to be a future Ex-Mrs. Gyuss Baaltar
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avitable:
“Nice try, princess.”
Is that supposed to be a veiled reference to my Kingdom Cum performance? jeez Avi, no secret is safe with you.
themuttprincess: that was very diplomatic of you… but you should know, Avi and I have both agreed to nuke Switzerland.
Geeky Tai-Tai: SEE, that’s what I mean. He is NOT even a GUY!! He has all of you people fooled with his blog!!!! I know cuz I have SEEN IT!!
(but thank you
)
Mist 1: Oh Mist, we both agree that you kick both of our asses any day of the week in the blogging AND writing department.
AmyD: bitch, it’s not DONE yet, chill
NYC Watchdog: SWEET! (and I hope you mean that because I’m gonna need backup, totally)
avitable: oh you did not just try to out love Prince me? No. Fucking. Way.
Gyuss Baaltar: You love me AND Prince?
SWEEET!
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Actually, it was referencing the other two royal-themed porns you did, “Princess Diana: The cocksucking years”, and “On Her Majesty’s Secret Whorishness”.
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At least you guys agree on that. LOL
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Everyone loses in a blog war.
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Oh, was this a war? I thought this was more of a rout… sending the Floridians back to Cuba!!! And we can replace them with Cuban Refugees so the Marlins have a chance this year at MAYBE doing something other than polishing their bats!!!
Yeah. That’s the ticket.
INS!!! INS!!! INS!!!
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Avi, ah yes, I do remember those…
fringes Not everyone loses. I am confident I will stand victoriously erect at the end of this.
Dawg YEAH!!!
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As long as I get to be victoriously erect, too, I’m okay with that.
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For you to be erect… and have it noticed… is a victory unto itself.
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Oooh, BURN!!!! LMAO
I officially have a new DAWG!
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Well, usually my harem takes care of any erections so quickly that I barely have time to notice. They’re very skilled girls.
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Really? I thought the jury was still out on whether the your harem were girls or orangutangs. Congrats on winning the federal case to keep them in the country though.
I’m a bit antsy about my upcoming court case myself. Luckily… it looks like Monday I’ll either be declared a free man… or I’ll be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby and the 70 billion or so headaches that come with her.
Its tough being me… really…
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Well, I did kidnap them from local high schools.
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Wow, it got ugly around here quick.
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Yeah, dang, boys leaving their stink allll over my place. Sheesh.
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Britt – I would totally do you before I’d do Avi.
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Let’s just aim for simultaneously instead of one before the other.
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Can’t you two just nuke France instead of Switzerland?
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