As you know by now, I am in Orlando with Avitable.  Actually, what day is it?  Tuesday?  Ok I may technically be on my way home from Orlando… No. Wait.  I’m going to post this today.  Monday.  So I’m still here I guess.

Ahem.  Anyway.  Me. With Adam.

Last night (Sunday) we decided to go to this place called Kobe Something.  It’s one of those places where everyone who works there is Japanese and they cook the food right in front of you.

I had never been some place like this.  Ever.  I had seen it in the movies – but that’s it.  I know, I live a sheltered life and am in much need of being cultured.  So I’ve heard.  Repeatedly.

ANYway.  Me. Virgin.  To the ways of communal eating.

And Adam?  Complete anti-social snob.  Seriously.  He is me before my recent “I don’t judge you, fucker” epiphany.  But worse.  I was given strict instructions on the way to the restaurant: We do not socialize with the fucking morons sharing a table with us.

Actually, I shouldn’t misquote him here.  I think what he really said was “I don’t need to make friends with these fucking morons.” Heh.

So we sit down and the rest of our “party” is filed in.  One man, his wife, his wife’s two friends.  Also known as Four Very Drunk, Very Chatty, Very Sociable People.

Very. Drunk.  Been drinking for “ten fucking hours straight now can you BELIEVE it dahling!!” drunk.

I look at Adam, who seems to be breaking out into some kind of people are too close to me hive.  I can’t help but giggle.  This is gonna be good.

Within about two seconds the man leans in close “so… is this a first date or what?”

“Oh dear God no.  He’s married.  I’m married.  We’re married to different people.”

Pervy smirk spreads across drunk guys face, “this is better than I thought.”

I quickly explained that we were not that interesting and that no, really, we weren’t doing anything physical and no, really sir, we hadn’t even thought about.

“Although, he does constantly ask for pictures of my boobs…”

Adam shoots me the You’re So Dead Bitch glare, before deciding that sometimes it’s easier to just join in.  “Well… um… ya know… who wouldn’t?”

Adam and Drunk Guy give each other the “thatta boy chuckle” and share a moment.  It was touching, really.

And then the spell was broken and Adam tried desperately to retreat to his I Hate Everyone But You Cocoon.  He explained to me that he is a snob.  He explained to me, very carefully, that while he and his lovely wife had been to this place a gazillion and one times they had never found it necessary to speak to the people around them in order to have a good time.

No.  Really.  Stop talking to the drunks.

In my defense, I was not actively talking to the drunks.  The drunks were, in fact, talking to me.  And what is a girl to do when someone is so kindly going out of their way to make conversation?  A girl is not to snub.  A girl is to, in fact, make nice.

And what, do tell, is a girl to do when a very nice drunk man and his wife discover that you have “never done a sake bomb? Oh my GOD they are the greatest thing EVER you simply MUST do one!!”?

I’ll tell you what a girl does – what any real Lady would do…

You smile kindly and tell them that is VERY sweet of them to buy you a drink.  You bat your eyelashes and look around slightly confused because things like this never happen to you.  As they place a beer mug in front of you and carefully balance a small shot glass of sake on two chop sticks over the beer, you hem and haw and start to get a little nervous.

And then you pound the table yelling “sake! sake! sake!” until the vibrations drop the shot glass full of sake into the mug of beer.  Then you grab the mug, chug the beer, slam the sake, and SLAM that mug back down on the table.

And then, when they insist that there is still sake left and you simply MUST do another?  You balk and explain that there is simply no WAY you could allow them to buy you any more drinks.  Seriously.  No. Way.

But when another drink is placed in front of you anyway?

Well, as a lady, you simply have no choice.  You slam and chug and slam again.  And this time you do it faster than anyone else and you win the Sake Bomb Race Mutha Fucka!!

Because that’s what a lady does people.

And I am nothing, if not a Lady.

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