A long, long time ago, on a blog far, far away, I read a cool quote that inspired me to type a line into an entry and save it as a draft. The oh so wise Fringes advised her readers to “Love On Those Who Love You”, and I remember thinking - ohhh how much easier my life would be.
You see, I am a girl who lives by the carrot and stick philosophy far too often. For those of you unfamiliar with this anti-zen approach to life, allow me to elaborate. Basically, you spend your entire life chasing after the things you WANT, and never truly being able to enjoy the things you already have. You find yourself saying “I’ll be happy when…”, “I’ll consider myself a success if…”, “I’ll start really living my life when…” You’re constantly moving from one goal to the next, spending all your time swinging for brass rings and very little (or none) actually holding on to anything.
Holy fuck this is getting deep. And it’s not supposed to be. At all. I wanted to just quickly sum up the fact that ORIGINALLY I had planned on using the “Love On Those Who Love You” bit to flesh out an entire post about who I need to love the people who already fucking appreciate me and stop wasting my energy on the losers who don’t. And then I was going to laugh at how I wasn’t going to be that deep at all, but how instead I was going to use the fortune cookie wisdom to talk about myself. And Avi.
Fuck. This is not going well.
Um, so, those who love me… not Charred. Fucker. I resubmitted to IT2M because my original submission came on the exact day that I took my original blog down. I, being the egomaniac perfectionist that you’ve all come to adore, was really hoping for a raving review about how bright and funny and articulate and interesting and hot my blog portrayed me to be. I imagined a whole new rating system being developed just for me because nothing to on file could accurately measure the awesomeness that is Me.
Yeah. Um. It didn’t really go that way. I got two smacks. Two. Fucking. Smacks. Amy The Wonder Whore got more smacks than me (which, I’m pretty sure, means she owes me shoes if she would like to buy back my love and adoration. I’ll take these in a seven and call us good.) For most reviewers, two smacks means you spelled your fucking name right and didn’t put up pictures of poo or food or food in your poo. Two smacks? Pfft.
Despite constant reminders and assurance that two smacks from Charred is damn close to a parade, I was so close to turning into one of the raving loons who goes all “not mah site, bitches!!” on their asses (and I’m sure I would have been able to win another award in the process - can you say “bonus!!”?)… but then, those who love me came out.
Ya know, you submit to things like this for two reasons. To whore yourself out in the hopes of brainwashing a few new readers, er, Traffic. And public adoration. I didn’t notice a big up tick in traffic. But you people definitely validated my very reason for existing here on Earth, er, proved that it is worth getting up in the morning, um…. made my day. So, thanks for that. Really. Hugs and kisses and puppies and kitties and flowers and rainbows to all of you.
Especially, this one.
In sticking with the “those who love you” theme, I am practically obligated by Blog Law to love up on the Avitable. And cordially invite you to his new home - which is GORGEOUS I might add (in a dark and twisty way). The little bastard has twice the readers as me and really doesn’t NEED little ol’ ME to whore him out. But, I just got out of church and we talked about doing nice things “just because”.
Avi always reminds me of what I learned about in Church. So, go over there, and tell him I sent you. Even if you normally just lurk here and never, never, comment. You must go there and prove my worth, er, weight… no… influence - and say “What is up mah ho!! Mah Bitch said to tell you HI! Welcome to the hood!”
Please. Really. Go here and tell him that.
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But Avitable loves being whored out! :grin:
March 29th, 2007 at 2:28 am
So Love on Those Who Love You NOT Love the One You’re With? Oh wait, I’m a hermit, never mind.
Congrats Brittski!
March 29th, 2007 at 4:26 am
Congrats on your smackage!
I should put IT2M back into my bloglines so I don’t forget to read it. :( I’m horrible at remembering.
March 29th, 2007 at 4:44 am
I don’t listen or care what any reviewer says anyway. I like who I like. And I like you.
Sorry. I don’t usually get so emotional. I think I am ovulating.
March 29th, 2007 at 5:29 am
I only remind you of what you learn in Church because everything your priest says not to do, I do. I covet things, have sex with animals, lie, cheat and steal, streak naked through elementary schools, talk to Jewish people, and use birth control.
(Seriously, though, I’m all verklempt. You’re mah awesome ho!)
March 29th, 2007 at 6:39 am
My first review (also by Charred) was also two smacks. He’s a tough reviewer. But I like him anyway.
March 29th, 2007 at 8:18 am
I don’t know exactly how I came across your blog, I am sure I couldn’t recreate the blog stalking path I took here.
Part of this post really spoke to me, and I copied a paragraph and linked back here to it. I’m hoping you don’t mind, I use it as a starting point for a blog post of my own.
Please feel free to come by and read it later today.
March 29th, 2007 at 9:09 am
I just have to say that I recently went through and read up on all of your entries, and you have made me laugh, think and respect you… because you say what so many of us feel and never actually have the balls to say. :eek: So thanks!!
March 29th, 2007 at 9:10 am
Girl, why’d ya have to go and get all deep on me. It is WAY to early in the morning.
And even though I read Avi already I went there and gave him some attention.
March 29th, 2007 at 9:30 am
[...] Miss Britt, wrote this on her blog today: You see, I am a girl who lives by the carrot and stick philosophy far too often. For those of you unfamiliar with this anti-zen approach to life, allow me to elaborate. Basically, you spend your entire life chasing after the things you WANT, and never truly being able to enjoy the things you already have. You find yourself saying “I’ll be happy when…”, “I’ll consider myself a success if…”, “I’ll start really living my life when…” You’re constantly moving from one goal to the next, spending all your time swinging for brass rings and very little (or none) actually holding on to anything. [...]
March 29th, 2007 at 9:43 am
If it makes you feel better, I got the boot from IT2M. Pfft. I also got a hell of a lot of traffic and several regular readers.
March 29th, 2007 at 9:52 am
I want to be anti-Zen too.
March 29th, 2007 at 10:17 am
Like you said Britt, you know who loves you! Don’t let Charred piss you off!
March 29th, 2007 at 10:36 am
Dave2: yeah, I know, he’s into that shit.
Wicked H: well, I think there are some similarities between the two, lol
Kentucky Girl: I had to do that too, once i figured out HOW cuz I’m sooo stuuuupid.
Mr. Fabulous: lol, oh that is so cute that our cycles are in sync!!!
avitable: we can talk to jewish people. how else are we supposed to convert them?!?! >:)
Joefish: I got the same smackage as YOU?!?! Wow. I think I should send Charred flowers now.
MsBatman: and you gave me credit. Woo hoo. I love credit!
missa_8_24: that’s me, brass balls, brass balls, lol
themuttprincess: the key is writing it at night, when I’m half delirious with sleepiness. It’s like being high… SUPER deep and smart and shit, lol
Monique: and really, isn’t that all you can ask for??
Mist 1: send me your address and I’ll send you the Anti-Zen application. ;-)
Jen: Me? be easily offended? Nooooooo :roll:
March 29th, 2007 at 10:52 am
The Wonder Whore? Hmmmm. I prefer when Avi refers to me as, “The Coolest Bitch Around” but that’s only because I make pictures of him as the Sperm Fairy I think.
Shoe Whore.
I’m not enabling your addiction.
March 29th, 2007 at 11:16 am
Wonder Whore is a pretty cool name, though.
March 29th, 2007 at 11:19 am
Ahhhhh. Her secret revealed. Now I can try that and see if I can be as funny, witty and charming as you are.
March 29th, 2007 at 11:44 am
Actually, it’s one of the better names she’s called me. Clearly beats “Mah Ho… Mah Bitch!”
March 29th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
You prefer Wonder Whore to Mah Ho… Mah Bitch?!?!?
Really????
March 29th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
You should send Charred flowers. He’s gruff, but he’s a sweetheart. (Shh! Don’t tell him I told you. He’s got a reputation to protect.)
@Monique - Is that a gravatar of your rack? Hawt!
March 29th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Yeah he is. He’s a big ol’ softie.
March 29th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Where are your cool smilies, mah bitch?
March 29th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
I think I do… I think I kinda like Wonder Whore… you should ask Avi about the Super Identity we came up with for you.
March 29th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Oh I told her about it.
March 29th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
<perk!>
What’s this about Britt’s super identity?
March 29th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
it’s a SECRET!!!!!
(unless, y’know, you want to totally recode my entire blog in your spare time)
March 29th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
I’d consider it. Are you going to make an offer? What do you have to trade?
March 29th, 2007 at 10:26 pm
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…..
You know, Avi does have this picture of me…
March 30th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Too late. It’s all sticky and ruined by now.
March 30th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
I have a camera. Iowa’s not too far away for a photo shoot.
March 30th, 2007 at 9:20 pm