I am, by nature, a judgemental bitch. No, really. If you knew me, you would not come to me with your indiscretions. (If, however, you are a total stranger, you would probably have no problem telling me all about your dirty laundry in a casual waiting room conversation. Fucking, irony.)
Anyway - me, judgemental whore. It is something that I’ve embraced, for lack of anything better to do with it. Perhaps I’ve figured that I had enough shit to “work on”, and I’ve been able to delude myself that my lack of compassion and abundance of condemnation were part of my “charm”.
In my own half ass defense, I have been able to make “judgemental” very funny on numerous occasions.
But lately, I’ve found myself making decisions and wrestling with thoughts that I would have skewered someone else for only months ago. In other words, I’ve found myself badly in need of a non-judgemental ear.
Thank God I am lucky enough to have the least judgemental ears in the freaking universe at my disposal. Seriously, nothing shocks this woman. And she offers this insane support that is completely void of anything even resembling judgement. It’s not “wow, you suck” but it’s also not “awww, honey, that’s ok”. It’s just listening and helping me move forward. It’s freaking amazing is what it is.
But it’s got me thinking about all of the things I have “judged” in the past. I’m ashamed when I think of the harshness I’ve thrown around. Ashamed, and a little sick to my stomach.
But… what now? Part of my acceptance of my own judgemental nature was pure survival instinct, because I’ve never been able to shake the condescending voice in my head. I would like to be a little… um… softer. I know there’s no way in hell I’ll ever be able to pull off the whole “place no blame because it isn’t productive” persona.
Maybe there’s a middle ground. If I cannot strangle the voice in my head that says “Who the fuck DOES that?!?!? What were you THINKING?!?!”, perhaps I can stop giving her a voice.
But… does that just leave me with voices in my head that no one else can hear?
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I think it’s good that you’re judgmental. Even if you’re not judging yourself right now, you usually seem to do so pretty harshly. Just like me, you can’t help it if you’re damn near perfect.
March 21st, 2007 at 9:31 am
:oops: Awww, that was very sweet, thank you.
I think it’s acceptable to say, “In my quest for ultimate perfection I’m not going to do that again, because it didn’t suit my ultimate purpose/good.”
Ultimately, it’s about caring and having compassion for your fellow human being. And, I’m no freaking saint, myself. I’ve been known to be incredibly harsh and judgemental - for example, I detest stupid people who make stupid mistakes.
But, I try, very hard, not to judge on a general basis.
March 21st, 2007 at 10:41 am
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being judgemental as long as it (mostly/usually) stays in your head. I’m right there with you, honey… I judge people pretty harshly, but I don’t tell them about it.
I don’t consider it hypocrisy, because I fully expect… no, I assume that everyone else on the planet is judging me as well and when I screw up, I beat myself up pretty badly.
Honestly, I think everyone judges more than most think they do, it all comes down to whether or not they make YOU aware of the judgement. My friends who know me well know that I’m judging them, but they also know that I’m not going to put them down, regardless of what the verdict is.
And, in the long run, when I say “I’m proud of you,” or “Wow. THAT was really impressive,” they know that not only do I truly mean it, but that it means a whole lot more because of how hard I am to impress…
March 21st, 2007 at 12:06 pm
What?!?!?!?!? You mean you don’t have actual live conversations with the voices in your head????
Shit!
What’s Amy’s number?
March 21st, 2007 at 12:25 pm
hmmm not being judged? What a lovely friend you have found in her. I am so very happy for you my dear!
March 21st, 2007 at 12:49 pm
My judgmental nature is part of my charm.
March 21st, 2007 at 2:05 pm
I have no idea what this post is really about.
March 21st, 2007 at 2:30 pm
avitable: yes, well, it’s the judging other people that I should work on
AmyD: caring and compassion for your fellow human being. Yes. right there. That’s where I fall down.
FyreGoddess: I’ve never been very good at keeping ANYTHING in my head
Wicked H: Amy? 911
deb: I know, it’s better than the lottery. Well, I mean, it’s good.
Mist 1: you work it better than me ;-)
Joefish: do you really HAVE to stop and take time out of your day to say “Britt, this was a shitty ass, rambling, retarded fucking post” ????
March 21st, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Nah, that’s what I love!
March 21st, 2007 at 3:15 pm
I’m not saying that. (And you know that.) It just seems as if this post is skirting around specific events I’m not familiar with.
March 22nd, 2007 at 7:47 am