I took the day off work today so that we could meet with Them. I’m sitting here now, waiting for Them to come.
They. Them. The Experts. The people who will tell me if I’ve been a good mother. If my instincts are all out of whack. If my daughter is OK. If she’s not. If she can be “fixed”. If I’m crazy.
My daughter is going to be evaluated by two early childhood speech pathologists this morning. I made the call to request the evaluation, and almost everyone I know disagrees with me.
“You’re worrying too much,” is what they say.
“You’re pushing your child. You want her to speak for purely selfish reasons. You don’t have the emotional maturity to just be patient. You obviously don’t know anything about this parenting stuff and OMG you’ve actually done this before?!?!” is what I hear.
But I also hear my instincts. And they’re loud and pushy and nagging and hard to ignore.
My daughter will be two next month. She says mama and dada and ball and a few other words. She doesn’t have a word to describe her brother. Not a word, not a name, not anything that’s jibberish but at least consistent jibberish that would indicate that this is a significant person in her life.
She’s not using “two word combos” or “short command sentences” or any of the things that she should “at least be doing” at this age… according to the pages and pages of research I’ve poured over.
And I’ve been looking for a while. Because even at a year, something felt off to me. I couldn’t put my finger on it… but I couldn’t shake the fear either. The fear that something was just not right. It’s more than just “disappointment” when your child misses a “benchmark” for the first time. It’s so much more than not having the child who can speak fluent Spanish, English and French at 18 months.
It’s this ginormous, looming, unknown black cloud that carries with it a million potential unexpected endings.
My husband thinks I’m crazy. The other mothers I know think I’m impatient. My mother says my brothers did the same thing and “honey, she’ll be fine.” My mother-in-law has noticed that there seems to be more going on inside than what my little girl can tell us.
And that, I think, is what is scaring me the most. The fact that she does understand. The fact that she can participate in entire conversations and follow intricate directions - without ever saying a word. The fact that there are times when I can see the frustration on her face because she has something to tell me, and she can’t.
I don’t want that for her, because I know what it’s like to feel unheard.
So today, They are coming. And one way or another, I hope I will know something. Part of me is hoping that It Is Something - that I will have a clearly outlined plan to help. Do A, B and C and everything will be fine. At the very least, I’m hoping to come out with faith in my sanity and some assurance that, in time, everything really will be “OK”.
That’s the doorbell.
We’ll see what They say.
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There’s nothing wrong with doing that. It’s good to be on the safe side, and I think I’d do the same thing. At least, if it’s no big deal, you’ll know for sure. And if it is something that needs to be changed, you’ll know that, too.
Too many people these days don’t trust their own instincts because they’re afraid of the judgement of those around them. Stick to your guns, girl. You’re doing the right thing.
Even if you *are* overreacting, better to know that there’s nothing wrong than to suspect that there is… but more mothers need to pay attention when their gut says there’s something wrong instead of chalking it up to needless worry.
We have instincts for a reason. :smile:
Who cares what other people say?? YOU NEVER DO! Follow your instincts, always. I am sure your daughter is fine, maybe she has a little speech problem, no biggie!
I truly commend you for seeking out help that she may or may not need, shows you are a good mommy!:grin:
A mother’s instinct is never wrong. Not saying something is definitely wrong with her, just saying that you have to go with your gut on all of these matters because 99% of the time it’s right on.
You are an awesome mom, Britt.
Part of being a mother IS going with our instincts, and if you feel that strongly about it, then you are not doing anything wrong.
Good luck - I hope they can give you some definite answers, and if they do tell you “its just a phase” or “she’ll grow out of it”.. at least you’ll rest assured knowing you did your part and checked into it.
I had the same thing done for my son too… so there’s nothing wrong with it whatsoever… and at least if she needs help, then you can get it for her.
Good luck.
If your Mom radar is screaming at you that loudly, it’s never a good thing to ignore it.
And damn, other people just LOVE to put down mothering skills, don’t they? Yeesh.
Fingers crossed it’s something simple, chicklet.
There’s something about capitalizing “They” that makes this post seem so very ominous.
Found your site through another I read. I think you ROCK!! And, I’m wishing you all the best in whatever they have to say.
Never hurts to have it checked…
How are her ears? Mama & Dada are fairly easy to lipread. Just a thought…my nephew had a lot of ear problems.
I am anxiously awaiting your next post on this.
I am in the same situation as you. My youngest will be 2 in April and does not say anything more than “mama” and possibly “that” (but I am not sure about the latter, could be jibberish) I am told not to worry and my dr isn’t willing to discuss it until she is older than 2. She also understands conversations and can follow directions. I am terrified out of my mind too.
I will keep good thoughts that all go well for you today.
avitable: and you’re a man so you probably woulnd’t agonize over the guilt of it all either ;-) But seriously, thank you.
FyreGoddess: we chide ourselves for worrying, we beat up on ourselves if we don’t - right?
debkitty: Oh man, I SO worry about what other people think more than I let on. ESPECIALLY when it comes to parenting…
AmyD: thanks sweetie :mrgreen:
Blonde Chick: that’s what I figure - at least I’ll “know” one way or another.
NYC Watchdog: thanks - I can always use more luck!!
J.: I always worry my Mom radar can get as jammed up as my jerk radar!
Joefish: that was the point. :-)
Kellie: wow, thank you - and thanks for stopping by
Tug: Yep, we did the hearing check a few months back too!
missi: my doctor was the same way - wait until she’s after 2. And all I kept thinking was that if there WAS something wrong, I would have wasted all that time that I could have been helping her.
I found out online that it’s a (I think federal) law to have access to early childhood screening, speech therapy, etc.
In my state it’s called ‘ACCESS’.
Call your local elementary school and they can refer you to the right person. That was a big comfort to me, to talk to an “expert” and have them at least think it was worth a VISIT. That in itself made me feel better.
I don’t know you well, but I’m guessing that you’re a great mom from your willingness to take any and all blame. Bad moms find someone else, like the child, to blame.
I’ll hope for the best.
I should tell you that I didn’t utter a word until I was two and a half years old. I started, and went into two word grammars by the time I was three. I taught myself to read in the bathroom reading my father’s Black’s Law Dictionary. Not that I learned a lot of law, just to read. Freaked the parents out. They finally tried to get me a ’smaller’ book.
I’m not telling you not to worry, I am telling you that starting late isn’t the handicap you might think it is. So, how did things turn out?
I don’t know if it’s because I’m a man that I wouldn’t feel guilty or because I know that I’m always right. One or the other. You also know that you’re always right, so take some solace in that. Evil geniuses are never wrong.