Things My Husband “Handled” Yesterday:

• Got up and got ready for work Got up when I woke him up
• Went to work
• Picked up kids
• Made dinner  Reheated leftovers for kids

Things I Handled Yesterday:

• Obviously got myself up - this shouldn’t even count
• Also got my husband and two kids up.  Dressed two kids, fed two kids.  Got oldest kid out the door and on his way to school on time.
• Babysitter calls 15 minutes before time to walk out the door.  Babysitter is sick.  Find backup childcare for youngest and after school care for oldest.  Take her to daycare.
• Call plumber.  Apparently our sewage pipe or something has been backing up.  Apparently it has been backing up for a WEEK, and someone has had trouble “figuring out what to do”.  So… since I have known about it for less than 12 hours and clearly no nothing about pipes but DO know that sewage in the basement? not good…  call plumber.
• Went to work - because, yeah, I work full time too.  Do you think maybe I could borrow your “but Oh My God I Have To Work” t-shirt for a day?
• While at work, get call from school that oldest decided not to ride bus to emergency backup after school solution center.  I’m a half an hour away and he’s sitting in The Office.  And somehow… I fix that.  By phone.  And get him to where he needs to be until someone can make it home from work.
• On the drive home, I attempt to follow up with plumber - who did not appear to show up, and I am now getting fax tones when I call.
• Laundry - specifically, children’s coats because Oh My God where did you find a puddle of cat pee to roll around in??

Major Decisions Made By My Husband Recently:

• I can’t think of a single one.  Unless you count parking his truck in front of mine so that I can’t get out when I go to leave at 5:30 in the morning.  Because this decision was almost very major.  Life changing major.  Suffocated while you sleep, major.

Major Decisions Made By Me Recently:

• To be fair, I can’t think of a single one here either.  Because I stopped keeping track.  Because it’s become less about making decisions and more about constantly putting out every cocksuckin’ fire that comes along on a seemingly constant basis.

“What exactly is my problem”?

Here it is.  Once again.  With bullet points.  Because me saying over and over and over again that I need another GROWN UP and pointing out example after example after example seems to be falling on completely deaf ears.

I don’t need someone to handle things.  I want someone to share in the responsibility.  Another set of shoulders to carry the burden.  Another brain to carry around the constant list of Things I Better Remember To Take Care Of And Someday Maybe Even Make Forward Progress On.

I don’t want to be a grown man’s mother.  Or secretary. Or personal assistant.  Or Day Planner.

I want to be able to say “take care of this please”, and trust that someone will.  Even better?  Not having to say “take care of this please” because OMG THE OTHER ADULT MAY ACTUALLY NOTICE THAT SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE TAKEN CARE OF.

So please, for Valentine’s Day this year, can someone please, please, please…

send me a wife.

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Posted in Bitching Again, It's All About Me