I was going to tell you all about how not being able to post at 6:00am has thrown off my schedule and, apparently, my creativity. I was going to bow out gracefully and tell you to go here or something.
And then I decided to check my email - just in case there was some post-worthy fodder in there. (Actually, I’m waiting for an email containing explicit video of my drunken debauchery last Friday… but it isn’t here yet.)
And what I found left me with an odd mixture of disgust and shame and laughter and… well… it was just odd.
Somehow my email address is registered on some random internet dating site. I say somehow because I know for a freaking FACT I have never registered myself - although I may have some vague memory of a former co-worker registering me on some random dating site as retaliation for some prank or another. Hmmm….
ANYWAY. Apparently they have finally found me my Perfect Valentine’s Day Matches.
That’s right. MatchES. Multiples. How lucky am I that there is an ABUNDANCE of fish in the sea that are absolutely PERFECT for me?!?
Let me tell you how lucky:
#1 sxyblindsmri - 25
“I’m reevaluating I’m not feeling witty right now It’s been over a year; I’m doing the digital reading public a disservice I’m a work in progress and I’m gathering myself for what may be the last big push in my life for adventure and self actualization Time will tell”
Oh. Joy. Please sign me up for The Last Big Push. At Twenty fucking Five if this is your last push… actually, do you have money??
#2 mrchonkie - 25
“I don’t have long hair anymore Some kids with cancer hopped in a cancer filled school bus and drove to my house and used their cancer covered hands to cut off my hair so they could make wigs for their cancer covered heads Of course the jokes on them that hair had lots of split ends
according to my parents i’m better looking with short hair i say they are lying well probably not but i think the point is i’ve actually gained more potential ugly points based on the horrible things i can now let my hair grow into pompadour”
So… your mom thinks you’re hot then? Oh. Baby. Hold. Me. Back.
#3 Lox80 - 26
“What am I searching for Someone who doesnt go to law school with me is a good start Beyond that its hard to say I believe that most people are more than the sum of their parts I could say Im looking for a girl who is smart sexy confident and independent all of which I am looking for but those terms have become so overused that Im not sure anybody really knows what they mean any more I guess Im looking for a complete package someone who can keep me on my toes who has a sense of adventure and a little poetry in their souls; someone who is maybe a little off who doesnt quite fit in with the runofthemill”
A man who is looking for a little poetry in their souls. Whatever the hell match maker thought that we would be a “perfect match” needs to be pulled out into the street, stripped down and repeatedly poked with sharp, hot objects. Seriously. Poetry of the souls. Pfft.
#4 - Hubs94 - 25
“I am a nerd in all aspects of the word and I am happy to be a nerd of all trades as I am a music nerd a computer nerd a game nerd and a book nerd all crammed into my brain and somehow I have left room for information that is not nerdy But I am a nerd and if you don’t like nerds stop reading this now
You still there sweet I will continue just for you
About me Hmm well for starters I am a very open minded and an honest trustworthy person I enjoy many things in life from sitting around watching a movie to going on hikes -”
There was more to this. And I thought this had potential. But I don’t do hikes. I don’t do nature. Period.
#5 wafflebob - 25
“Any person that can be accurately summarized is kinda scary and shallowish
Well lets see I’m extremely indecisive I tend to stay home a lot in my spare time simply because I can’t decide what to do This drives my friends nuts for some reason they like relying on me to decide things They should really be thankful as the last time I decided what to do and did it we drove 120 miles for pancakes Maybe they want that
I love to travel however I’m really bad at planning and at getting time off work so most of my traveling involves locations I can reach spend time at and return to within a 23 day period As you can guess I haven’t been very far out of state It’s not uncommon for me to drive 100 miles just for fun though Damned gas prices”
My husband is submitting his profile to random internet dating sites. I’m going to kick his ass.
Psst... thanks for stopping by! I hope I didn't traumatize you too badly on your first visit. Remember to subscribe to my RSS feed if you want updates from the site!
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At least they don’t think you are a lesbian. Oh, and I want video of the drunken debauchery AND ass kicking.
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How do any of those men think that their ad copy makes them sound remotely interesting?
I want to see that video, too. And I expect to hear stories about recent descents into debauchery, as well.
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I have the popcorn at the ready, bring it. We all want the video!!!!!!
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Now I see what I’ve been doing wrong in my love life. I don’t write in run on sentences and I don’t go out of my way to advertise my faults.
Oh, and I have long hair. Woe is me!
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You didn’t get my email? We are practically perfect for one another. I’ll send lewd pictures.
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You toss out the prospect of drunken debauchery videos when you’re not yet capable of delivering the goods?
Pfft. Tease.
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:mad::mad::sad::!::?::lol::mrgreen::neutral::twisted::arrow::shock::smile::???::cool::evil::grin::idea::oops::razz::roll::wink::cry::eek:
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Oh damn!! Can you point me to them ‘cuz I tell ya, I want every single one of them, all at the same time. Preferably rolled up into one big hunk of a hottie that doesn’t work so I can provide him gas to drive to his momma’s house every day.
“So, your mom thinks you’re hot then?” Genius.
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Obviously these girls are not on millionairematch.com. Girls there are more sexy and quality.BTW, I want to see that video, too.:lol:
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