In my ongoing efforts to appear more responsible and acquire more “stuff”, I have decided to attempt to set us up on a budget. Again.
I hate budgets. Hate. Hate. Hate.
The first part of the budget isn’t so bad. I go through the checkbook and bank records and list out our monthly bills - the things we spend money on that cause me absolutely zero guilt. My husband always freaks out at this point, which is dumb. It is also a very bad sign when your budget partner freaks the fuck out on step one.
Step 2 is determining how much “extra” we should be spending each month. In order to do this, you must first look at how much extra you currently ARE spending each month
And this is the point where I either:
a)break down in tears
b) throw up my hands in disgust
c) pout
d) all of the above
Now, lest you think I am a spoiled little brat - let me try to explain myself. I grew up poor. Very, very poor. I think I have mentioned food bank cheese on here before and I think that pretty much sums it up.
The only thing worse than being poor is living poor.
If you’ve never been broke, you may not realize the little “luxuries” that lots of people - women especially - seem to take for granted. Things that, when you start to set a budget, suddenly seem less like little “luxuries” and more like the trappings of a pompous ass priss.
For example…
- Lunch - or rather, lunch out during the work week. $8 a day, no big deal. Except that’s $40 a week and over $200 a month. And my husband looks at me like I’m spoiling myself with food. A girl’s gotta fucking EAT - right???
- Eyebrow waxing - this is cheap. Ridiculously cheap when you go as few and far between as I do because you are insanely afraid of pain. And any woman would tell you it NEEDS to be done. Until you have to mark it down as a “need” on a budget.
- Hair cuts, colors, products, etc. Do men have ANY idea how much it COSTS just for the basic upkeep??? And I have thick curly ass hair - hair that can only be tamed by expensive ass Aveda product. I know this because I’ve tried every discount half-ass product out there. And they suck ass.
And let’s not even get into unexpected birthday presents, special occasions calling for an outfit I do not own, etc. etc. etc. Anyway, none of this sounds like that big of a deal. And it’s not. Or at least, it hasn’t been for a very long time for us.
And then I decided to do a budget and share the news with my husband. I told him I was trying to figure out what each of our “extra” amounts should be. And do you know what he suggested?
$150
One hundred and fifty fucking dollars - a MONTH. To cover EVERYTHING that isn’t listed as a bill.
God help me, I KNOW I sound like a whiny sniveling little snot here - but DAMN!!! Even if I just bring lunches every day… ok, well, actually, that will help a shit ton… but STILL. I can see it now. I’m going to turn into a bushy browed, frizzy headed, grumpy old bitch.
And THAT isn’t even what bothers me. What bothers me is LIVING like I’m poor. Again. It makes me nauseous. It makes me feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. And to some I know it sounds like it’s about the “stuff” and the “things” and an inability to make mundane sacrifices.
But to some… to some of us we know… the crushing weight of that fucking elephant.
Ho. Ly. CRAP my writing has gotten boring.
Psst... thanks for stopping by! I hope I didn't traumatize you too badly on your first visit. Remember to subscribe to my RSS feed if you want updates from the site!
Posted in Bitching Again, It's All About Me
I insist on brow (and other formerly hairy bits) waxing. I don’t do budgets. I just feel too deprived. It’s shallow, I know. Don’t judge.
You might know where I live, but I’ll never tell where the money comes from.
See I sort of had this fantasy of you and I notepads in hand, keyboards near, IM’ing and doing this whole budget gig.
Then I read your post.
I’m out.
Budget? What the hell is that? You mean you know what you spend every month?
I just buy things until my card doesn’t work anymore.
:shock:
I sympathize. We do the same thing when we budget.
And I only use Aveda, too. It’s the best shampoo out there.
That’ll be the day when my wife subjects herself to a budget. Let’s see - Hair coloring, nails, power lunches, clothes, shoes, shoes, shoes, pedicure, shoes, makeup, shoes.
Shit if tell her she has to come up with a budget she’ll kick my ass.
Okay you need to put the budget away! Think of this you just quit smoking. You are saving $35 a week because you quit smoking! There is your lunch budget replaced. See one problem solved!!! now you have $150 a month to do all the other shit with! Yeah it isn’t much but are you saving for something?
If we don’t budget, Bubba will spend everything in the account, including bill money and not on necessary stuff like hair cuts, but on stuff like a dinner for 15 of his closest friends…at my house. When I gripe, he says “but I went to the ATM and it says we have a lot of money…” I’ve already taken ATM privileges away several times now so he is finally learning.
Good luck on the budget! I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that the more you make, the more you spend. It was less stressful when we were poor, somehow.
Mist 1: I’m not judging… I’m right there with you.
Stalking you. Trying to figure out my next move. :twisted:
AmyD: Ptphthpth - some fucking support YOU are!!
jester: LOL, well, um, that’s kinda like a budget
Avitable: wait - YOU budget? Really? I know how you spend money… I think you should share your secret
Jose918: That makes me feel better, actually
debkitty: excellent point!!!
Jolie: it’s the “make more, spend more” that gave me the idea for a budget - because I’d LIKE to think that making more would mean we could SAVE more… in theory
$150/month? I couldn’t do it. IMPOSSIBLE. Even if you eat nothing but Ramen noodles that’s going to be tough!
I didn’t say I’m very good at it.
I’m horrible at budgeting and I wish I could grasp it. I think our biggest problems are ordering out, my morning lattes and all our commuting.
OMG I budget, then immediately re-neg it… Then I start spending MORE money….. Then decide because I feel guilty to budget again…. Then I wait a bit and then spend more money. I am horrible at it and pretty much am going to live in denial.
The fine art of budgeting requires that you moves these ‘discretionary items’ to budget items and thereby remove the anguish from occurring to begin with. I mean, you’re budgeting for it. Same thing with savings, pay yourself first. And don’t forget to allocate at least $150 qa month for one time non-recurring expenses like the toaster breaking. I mean really, budgeting…
CEO - THAT is an EXCELLENT idea!!! The one time non-recurring expenses. I’ve been trying to figure out how to work that stuff in there!!
We do always pay ourselves first via savings, but we do it on a percentage basis. Every dollar we get, from anywhere, a set percent goes immediately into savings - which kind of fucks up my “budgeting” too because our incomes fluctuate. Any brilliant advice for that part?
Oh shit, I remember those poor days all too well. A jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread. That’s all that I had in my cupboard.
Fun times.
But … $150?
Such a guy. LOL …
You’ll be posting lots of pictures when you turn into a bushy browed, frizzy headed, grumpy old bitch, right?
I hate budgets too. They take the fun out of shopping at all.
omgosh you like Aveda products too? They have a shampoo/conditioner that has some sort of henna in it & I
Actually, this was a really interesting post. You’ve written WAY more boring crap than this.
(Kidding. Seriously. KIDDING.)
Anyway: I think that perhaps there should be more categories than “bill” and “luxury.”
I mean, if you have the money, there’s a rational balance between saving and living, you know?
Good luck with this: lord knows, we at Clan Championabl have not not not not figured this out.
Rock on, Sister.