When you have a full pack of cigarettes and no lighter, you no longer want to smoke - you need to smoke.
Turns out that same theory applies to condoms.
Allow me to elaborate…
A few days ago, my husband cleaned the house, hung up Christmas lights and had a remote starter installed in my car. Reward sex was definitely warranted. He giggled a little that I called it reward sex, but eventually agreed.
And then I discovered that we were out of condoms*.
In that moment my husband went from “reward sex? sure, what the heck” to burning with the heat of a thousand suns and aboslutely, positively, having to “find a fucking condom somewhere in this house!” He flipped on lights and tore through drawers. He dug out old luggage and searched secret compartments. I’m pretty sure I heard him playing in my makeup box.
No condoms. Anywhere. Not so much as a latex glove. Nada.
Fast forward to the next night at about 9:30pm
Husband: “shit, umm… I have to run to Kwik Star”
Fifteen minutes later he returns home with a disgruntled look on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“Apparently, Kwik Star does not sell condoms. Dammit. I was willing to go face to face with a woman whose first name I know, at 9 o’clock at night and basically announce to the entire store that I was going home to get laid. And they don’t sell them.”
“Ah the joys of small town living.”
Fast forward again to last night. I, being the loving wife that I am and the ever meticulous planner, pick up a box of latex love when I pick up my son’s birthday cake from the grocery store. I come into the house, triumphant, wiggling my eyebrows as a sign that we had finally retrieved the holy grail.
“What’s wrong with your face?”
“Nothing. Guess what I got today?”
“Huh? Oh. Good. Thanks. Man I am so beat today, work sucked, I am exhausted….. blahblahblah tirade which includes a thousand reasons why my purchase will now be stored away in the night stand for safekeeping….”
Once again, nada. Not so much as an ass grab.
Hmph. It seems the thrill really is - in the hunt.
*yes, I know I’m not supposed to use them but I’ve been too damn busy to take the frickin’ Natural Family Planning class, ok? So shut up.
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OMG! That sucks! Big time! LOL… I can feel your “pain”
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LMAO!
I use the “Natural Family Planning” it’s called tied and burnt!
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In order to get married in a Catholic Church, we had to take the Natural Family Planning class. It was ludicrous and disgusting. Testing the length and stickiness of vaginal secretions? Yikes!
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There’s nothing sexier to me than talk of body temperature, ovulation, and the stickiness of vaginal secretions.
Seriously, there are things that you can do without the need of a condom… blue balls is a serious problem. Women don’t understand. They think we make that up.
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I know that I should not be reproducing yet (I wonder what my hell spawn would come out as) but I sure as hell don’t want to use condoms.
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I just make sure i have pelnty of batteries on hand….no spousal unit or significant other for me. You make do….
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Seriously… you missed out because of condoms? There are all sorts of creative alternatives…
I’ve been promised phenomenal weekend fun because it’s been a super crappy week. Wish me luck…
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DutchBitch: LOL - thanks!
delite: yes, well, we all know you’re going to hell anyway :twisted:
avitable: see, I don’t think that’s disgusting. I think that the communication betwen two people that that encourages is very cool. I like the idea of us BOTH being responsible for what’s going on. But then, I’m one to discuss vaginal secretions over lunch… :twisted:
jester: no, MEN don’t understand that we TOTALLY “get it” - believe me, it’s not comfortable for us either. And, don’t fret, no blue balls to be found either night… it’s just not quite the SAME.
Kyle: LOL…we… you know… maybe you should see if your local high school would let you sit in on one of their sex ed classes?
Wicked: do battery operated spousal units have to wear condoms too?
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Amy (and everyone else):
Rest assured, I am not completely oblivious to “lots of other creative ways”, etc. But as soon as you discover that you don’t HAVE any condoms - every other alternative just feels like a cheap substitution.
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Not if kept clean…..otherwise, EWWWW
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What are condoms?
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I have no problem with open communication - I just think that Natural Family Planning is one of the worst papal decisions in recent history. I’m eagerly awaiting a new Pope who might get with the times to some degree.
I actually abhor the concept of birth control and think that condoms should ALWAYS be used instead of any pill or injection for a woman. It’s easy and simple and men should be responsible for that.
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Avi - some things are timeless… and while I have not been strong enough myself to actually LIVE by that principle, I think the principle of being “open to life” itself makes perfect sense.
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Pfft… trust me… I figured you of all people could be extremely creative when given the opportunity. My point was… Holy Crap! As a parent we don’t get nearly enough… ummm… well, you know… and why miss out on ANY chance?
Or maybe I’m some sort of sex-deprived nympho.
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muahahaha!
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I think the concept of “open to life” requires someone to only view sex as a tool for procreation. And I think that’s one area where the Catholic Church just gets it wrong. I remember arguing with my priest during CCD for hours about that.
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I’m one of the “open to life”-ers who believes that procreation was just the side benefit of fearless, stress-free sex. There’s nothing hotter than just being in the moment.
Of course, this thought process got me seven children. :)
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Maggie visually verified that my vascesctomy was successful. Seriously. The procedure took place before I converted to Catholicism… but I would have done it anyway.
Personally, although I’m pretty much a believer in the Apostolic Church is being one of the many paths to God-consciousness, it’s pretty clear that the whole Catholic approach to birth control, etc., was largely political, certainly stupid, and, especially the way it’s being presented the Church now… totally hypocritical.
Anyway. Hi.
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I would’ve thought the Catholic Church would’ve changed that rule. My aunt, who was Catholic, was able to be cremated cuz they changed that rule.
I totally agree though, it is so much about the hunt. That’s probably why we want so much premarital sex too. Well, I’m not married, so I can’t answer, really. And you are married & are Catholic, so you can’t really answer either.
Mums the word! ;)
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