Thanksgiving is supposed to about family. And food. And laughter and joy and wonderful things.
It’s not supposed to be this.
Thanksgiving is not supposed to be sitting on a cold, hard pew in an empty funeral home. My brothers are sitting beside me, too young to grasp how wrong this all is.
Family. And friends. And rooms full of people remembering together.
The emptiness of the room is suffocating. Just me, my brothers, my mom and my Nana. And two white-haired nuns who are seated on the other side of the aisle in their own pew. Maybe they thought that would make the room look more full. Or perhaps, they just didn’t feel right sitting with complete strangers at a funeral.
It’s not supposed to be empty like this. Not for him.
The night before, the funeral home was overflowing. Lines and lines of faces and names I knew I wouldn’t remember, shaking hands and laughing and crying and telling stories about how wonderful he had been.
Had been.
But none of them would be here today. It’s Thanksgiving, after all. And they have families to attend to. Surely we would understand, and when they were all here, I thought I would.
But sitting here now, in the empty “service room” with the garish green carpet on the walls and the uglier carpet on the floor, the smell of age and decay clogging my nostrils… now I don’t understand. Now all I can think of is how fucking wrong this is.
He deserved better than this. He was so wonderful, and selfless and kind. He was a gentleman to his very core. He was soft and sensitive and easily amused. Especially by me.
He thought I hung the moon. And now he’s gone. And no one is here. And I’m trying so hard to be strong and brave and the lady he would have wanted me to be. But the emptiness is too much, the loneliness overwhelming. The realization that my champion has left - and no one is here - is finally too much.
And the only thing left to do is weep.
————————————————————————–
My Poppi died 12 years ago. We took him off life support a few short days before Thanksgiving after he suffered an unexpected stroke that left him basically brain dead. He was chivalry and grace and love personified.
And this year, he reminds me to reach out and hold on to those I still can.
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Something everybody would do well to remember. Thanks for sharing and taking time to remind us.
November 23rd, 2006 at 2:33 am
I remember the first Thanksgiving without my Nana. It was barely two months after she had passed away. Sometimes, you never really get over those things.
You are absolutely right, this is the day to remember how special family is.
November 23rd, 2006 at 10:24 am
Happy Thanksgiving Miss Britt. He is with you, always in spirit.
Hugs!
November 23rd, 2006 at 10:27 am
He sounds as wonderful as my grandpa was. Sometimes I look at past holidays, when I was a teenager and I’d sit at home all alone. It helps me remember how far I’ve come and how lucky I really am. Great post!
November 23rd, 2006 at 11:55 am
Happy Turkey Day, Girl. I hope you have a great day with your family.
November 23rd, 2006 at 1:53 pm
This reminds me of my grandfather…
Thanks for sharing. Enjoy the holiday and the memories.
November 23rd, 2006 at 2:41 pm
awww… not to be a “me too”, but my dad was killed the day after thanksgiving in a car accident, so I kinda’ know the feeling that comes from an icky thing being associated with a holiday… big hug!
November 23rd, 2006 at 11:30 pm
And here I thought my Thanksgiving post was a bit of a downer.
I’m glad this year was fun and warm and happy.
November 24th, 2006 at 8:22 am
It’s not nice to make me all teary-eyed and sappy and shit ….
Hugs and mushy-stuff to you my friend.
November 24th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
*:-.,_,.-:*’“’*:-.,_,.-:*’“’*:-.,_,.-:*
HAVE A GOD BLESSED AND
JOY FILLED
WEEKEND
*:-.,_,.-:*’“’*:-.,_,.-:*’“’*:-.,_,.-:*
November 24th, 2006 at 7:00 pm
Awww, Miss Britt…I’m sorry. I hate it when bad memories come back like that.:cry:
((hugs))
November 25th, 2006 at 8:24 am
I’m sorry for your loss, Britt.
November 25th, 2006 at 2:51 pm
You remember, and that counts for a lot. I hope you had a good Thanksgiving. (((hugs)))
November 25th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
This was a beautiful post and a loving tribute.
November 25th, 2006 at 8:14 pm
Thank you everyone - for reading and commenting and hugging… and, everything. :mrgreen:
November 26th, 2006 at 5:50 pm
Okay so thanks for giving me a reason to tear up this monday morning, I appreciate it! Britt this has got to be the best thing you have ever written and it is so amazing how you made me feel like I was there and like I knew your Poppie. He would be so proud and pleased with this writing. All I can say is you amazed me!
November 27th, 2006 at 10:37 am