It seems I am going to have to let my six year old in on my plan for World Domination. Which is OK. Everyone needs an evil protege, right?
Anyway - it seems he’s getting bullied at school. The idea of first graders already bullying amazes me - in a “what the fuck is wrong with people today” kind of way. It’s an odd situation because it’s not just him getting bullied, and it’s not just one bully.
The first time it happened it involved a little boy who has invited my son over to play, appears to be good friends with him on most occasions and… here’s the kicker… attends CCD where I teach. Yeah. That was an easy one to fix. If you can’t trade in your hours of volunteer time to corner a kid in CCD and remind him that God is always watching - what’s the point?
But now, it’s another kid. And, it seems that there is a little “gaggle” of these kids who amuse themselves by pushing, scratching, pinching and kicking whatever other little kids will sit there and take it.
Enter, my son. Who has always been taught that violence of any kind is simply not OK. You don’t put your hands on anyone. Period. We use our words. and if that doesn’t work, you go get an adult who will - of course - handle it. Unfortunately, the adults at this school seem to follow the “work it out amongst yourselves” philosophy.
The poor bastard is a sitting duck.
So last night, I had to switch tactics. I explained to him that while we do not hit, you “never let anyone put their hands on you. Ever.” I don’t want him running around beating some kid’s ass - but I am also not going to raise a victim.
Parenting is an interesting thing. I found myself, in the most age appropriate way possible, trying to explain verbal intimidation. I felt like I was passing on some of my evil powers - and it broke my fucking heart. Besides, with great power comes great responsibility, and I’m not sure a six year old has the mental maturity to handle a handbag of evil weapons marked “for emergencies only”.
I have never been in a fight in my life. And I’ve had plenty of people who wanted to kick my ass. I usually resorted to running my mouth as fast as I could in an effort to make them cry before they could take a swing. And while that method has always served me well, I’m not relishing the idea of teaching my son the fine art of sizing up someone’s insecurities and going straight for the jugular with a well-crafted insult.
But I’ll be damned if anyone is going to push my kid around.
Unfortunately, I realized this morning that in my son’s version of the Master Plan, the Stupid People Island will likely be replaced by the Island For Annoying Little Sisters. I really need to spend more time teaching him about the pitfalls of rampant stupidity.
Proteges have to be on the same page as The Master.
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Posted in Kids and Parenting - Real Mommy Blogging Tagged: bullying, parenting
Kids can be so hurtful, both with words and actions. I was taught to ignore it and they will go away. Also was taught to defend myself when needed. I had a high threshold but once crossed, that person never bothered me again. It wasn’t pretty and thankfully happened maybe a couple of times.
Not sure how this helps you, but I am with you and your son in spirit. Tell him to tell the bullies that they REALLY do not want Aunt Wicked on their trail!
I’ve always taught my kids the same thing. Go for the jugular with an insult, hit them so hard verbally they’ll require therapy… if they push it further than that, don’t mess around, no pushing, no shoving, put them down quickly and painfully so they’ll remember it.
It’s never come to that with either of my kids. In fact, in 7th grade there were a group of boys who found it hilarious to walk by and slap kids in the face on their way to class.
Ethan finally had enough of it one day and when they went to smack him he grabbed their wrist and in front of a group of 8th grade cheerleaders said (loudly), “What’s WRONG with you, man? Do you LIKE TOUCHING guys? Do you have a THING for me? Cuz, I gotta tell ya, I don’t SWING THAT WAY!”
They looked pretty petrified, the cheerleaders started to laugh, and they skittered down the hall. They never bothered him again. :twisted:
You might consider karate or Tae Kwan Do for him, not so he can kick ass, but it gives them a solid sense of confidence and a completely different way of carrying themselves, they are also taught self-control, etc. Kids usually don’t mess with these trained kids because they don’t carry themselves like normal kids do.
We tought our son that violence and fighting were no good… to make a long story short, when he was bullied by three kids and came home crying my wife told him, it is OK to defend yourself so if you don’t kick their asses the next time they hit you I’ll hit you too. Two days later I got called to the principal’s office because my son beat up these three inocent kids. I laughed at him and told him “Did you know they been terrorising the school for a long time” find out who is at fault before you call me. My son doesn’t pick fights but will defend himself. I felt so good after I came out of that office.
I meant to say “Innocent kids” (used in sarcasm)
Isn’t it sad? You teach them no violence cause you wanna do your part to make the world a better place then you get these fucked up kids ruining all your hard work.
My kids get in serious trouble when they whomp each other’s asses at home, but at school, I have taught them that SELF DEFENSE is ok. I told them that is one phone call I won’t bitch about getting from the school.
AND the shitty part is I got that call one day when my oldest was in grade 3. Another girl (I used to babysit) slapped my daughter AT school and all my kid did was YELL at her and I got the friggin’ phone call?? Cause my kid yelled at someone? Yeah, that’s much worse than slapping someone across the face. Stupid school. I was like WTF is going on. I was furious. And they knew it. My kids didn’t go back to that school the next year.
So now I told them all that if someone hits them first, have at it. Give them a reason to call me from school. I will back my kid 100%.
Stupid bullies.
That’s an interesting way of handling it. I hope it works.
However next week when they do a full court pile up ontop of him and he has no recourse, let me know. I’ll set up the cam and show him how to serve a Sandwhich de Knuckle with a side of Kicked Gonads… in case you don’t know how. :mrgreen:
My youngest daughter had an incident a few years ago where this boy that lives across the street would not leave his hands to himself.
He kept touching her and touching her, basically inappropriatly..she would tell him to stop a million times, ok maybe not a million but enough.
Finally she had enough and gave him a black eye..
He still loves her to this day!
I do believe that if someone hits you, then by all means smack that shit
My son went through the same thing from a “friend”. To the point they were both sent to the principle because my son would rat on his “friend”. We had the same, “while it’s not ok for you to beat the snot out of the little fuck, you do not allow him to EVER touch you again!” My son still has scars on his neck from the little snot.
Bless the fact that my son is now about a foot taller and twice this kids weight. My son has now become the underdogs champion. I’m still waiting for the call that he’s taken some kid down and pinned them (he wrestled for 5 years) until they yelled uncle, or said sorry “like they mean it”.
I, too, have a quick mouth. It has gotten me out of as many fights as it’s gotten me into. Almost.
this is the second thing i’ve read today that reminded me of my childhood. I was in that same position, taught to always be the good boy, which really just set me up to be center of torment.
Will you teach me your evil ways?
Oh, this is a such a good thing to write about.
I’d be curious to know *when* AmyD says that her kids should “go for the jugular” with an insult. What KIND of insult. What does that accomplish?
I’m not sure that “out assholing” another kid is the solution. When things aren’t physical, there are smarter ways out than vaguely homophobic insults.
On the other hand, I completely agree with her philosophy on the physical thing. If you’re left with no choice but to defend yourself, kick the other person’s ass quickly and effectively and get the hell away from the situation.
It’s hard to teach nuance. It’s hard to know WHAT to teach. But my kids aren’t doormats, that’s for sure.
I’ll think on this some more. Thanks, man.
Rock on.
I don’t have kids, but I like the idea of taking martial arts lessons. They don’t teach or condone violence, but they teach students how to defend themselves and only when necessary. If this is something you’d consider, look for a place that really stresses self-defense rather than competitive martial arts.
Rich Actually, going for the jugular in my terms is no different than what Britt meant with her statement, “I’m not relishing the idea of teaching my son the fine art of sizing up someone’s insecurities and going straight for the jugular with a well-crafted insult.
But I’ll be damned if anyone is going to push my kid around.”
Britt and I have known each other for several years and I know she understood what I meant by that.
As far as homophobic - FAR from it, my friend, and that goes for myself, my son, and the rest of our family - especially given that my sister is a lesbian.
But, let’s all face it, 7th grade boys are incredibly cruel and adept at bullying someone. My son was brand new to that school had turned the other cheek, LITERALLY, to their face slaps, quite frankly, I admire my son’s response because had someone slapped ME in the face - I’d have knocked them out. I don’t condone violence but being slapped in the face goes BEYOND violent, it’s not just a physcial attack at that point, it’s degrading.
My son’s response was pointed and humiliating. While effective - it was no where NEAR the level that he had attempted to rise above for MONTHS.
Given the choice between getting into a fist fight and being suspended or humiliating a jerk - I’d much rather my kid “out asshole” anybody ANYDAY.
I’m sure that we, as adults, can find smarter ways out. Perhaps, some of us have forgotten what it’s like to be in junior high / middle school / elementary school - sometimes the smarter way isn’t effective when you are dealing with maturity levels that can’t comprehend it to begin with.
Wicked: oooh.. especially because “Aunt Wicked” just SOUNDS scary, doesn’t it? :twisted:
AmyD: you do know your kid’s wit is far and above normal males that age, right? Damn. I’m just impressed he could THINK that quickly!
Jose918: yeah, I’m not sure my son COULD kick another kids but even if he was trying to defend himself!!
Tracy: stupid bullies indeed. I live in a small town, and as a volunteer for CCD and high school drill team, I find myself in a unique position of being one of the people to STOP bullying. It also makes me more likely to pick up the phone if a SIX YEAR OLD is bullying and call his parents.
I wish we could spend less time teaching our kids how to defend themselves from bullies, and more time STOPPING kids from being bullies.
NYC Watchdog: no faith… i’ll give you a call ;-)
Delite: your daughter has spunk? hmmm… who’d of guessed? :twisted:
Fogspinner: my son has also already wrestled for three years (yes, we are psycho LOL) - and good thing because he is NEVER going to be taller than anyone. Poor kid, bad genes.
Mist 1: LOL - ditto - but like I said, I’ve never been in a physical fight, thank God.
The Chad: are you telling me my kid is going to grow up to be like YOU someday?? :shock:
Mr. Fabulous: only if you let me win a contest
Rich: it is hard to teach nuance - that’s what worries me. I will say as far as Amy goes - I have known her forever so I do know that her kids are the most tolerant and enlightened little bastards you could ever meet. I also know they would NEVER go looking for a fight and would NEVER hurt someone - physically or emotionally - unless it was a last resort.
And that, I guess, is what’s bothering me. That last resort. You teach your kids: don’t hit. Walk away. Get a teacher. Tell them NO. All the right things.
And sometimes those things don’t work. What then?
Barb: this is horrible, but I’ve been resisting the martial arts angle because he is already involved in SO much, I don’t know where he’d fit it in!!
AmyD:
ROTFLMAO, OMG, you just used your sister being a lesbian to defend the fact that you aren’t homophobic. he he he he he he he
Sorry, sorry, regaining my composure here…
I think that there is a valid point that we don’t want to teach our kids - as a rule - that the bigger asshole wins. If someone sinks low, sink lower - that whole deal.
But…
Amy, I DO know you - and by extension, your kids. And I do believe that they practically fucking CAMP on the high road. It sucks that there are times in life when it’s impossible to stay there - and I think it’s awesome that your kids, especially Ethan, are confident enough to stand up for themselves in those situations.
Part of my appreciation for that fact is because I know the balance that they have between evil genius and amazing people. In fact, now that I think of it… how in the hell did you DO that???
My daughter gets bitch lessons on a regular basis. Heh. She’s so damned nice, it kills me.
first grade? that’s insane. I got picked on like crazy, but at least it didn’t START until middle school. sheesh! it’s no wonder kids go on shooting sprees. by the time they hit high school, they probably just can’t take the abuse anymore.
Truthfully, Britt, if you knew the town I’ve been born and raised in - you’d understand that around here that is the BEST defense. I’m living in the middle of right-wing, redneck HELL where Buck Owens is worshipped and on just as many bumper stickers as good Ol’ GW.
Homophobia spreads around here faster than a cold on a schoolyard.
On the surface - the my sister is a lesbian - is laughable, but, around here - it’s red flag to watch your manners and keep your bigoted comments to yourself. (Not that anyone here made a bigoted comment, I’m specifically talking about where I live.)
I was raised by two staunch Christians who were a bit ahead of their time, they taught me not to judge and to accept everyone equally regardless of race, gender or sexual orientation.
So, I have to admit, the homophobic thing stung as did the “out assholing.” my son isn’t an asshole and unlike most of the little redneck morons around here who would have taken a swung at little skater punks slapping them in the face - he chose brain over brawn. They steered clear of him and I’m sure thought twice about the next person they popped.
In that view, the end justified the means, and I don’t think that embarassing a group of punks verbally can be seen as sinking lower or to the same level as walking around calling people “fags” in the hallway and slapping them in the face. He turned the table and survived a very tough year of school, I’m very proud of him.
In your situation, your son is in first grade and the teachers and school administration need to be involved. Many states are putting anti-bully legislation into effect and many schools districts are already adopting strict policies against it - while that doesn’t imply they run the schools that way in actual practice, it does give you ammunition when they DON’T take care of the problem.
Up until 5th or 6th grade - I resolved any problems that came to light like this with the teacher and the parent, if necessary. When my kids hit an age where it looked worse to get a teacher or parent involved, I taught them to arm themselves in a way that would eliminate the problem, quickly. They aren’t perfect kids, but they do their best.