My dad is getting married this weekend.  They are going for a “casual” feel.  And, while that fits them perfectly - it really complicates things for me.

I don’t know how to do “casual wedding” attire.  “Casual wedding” to me means you serve wine instead of champagne.

Looking for a little direction, I asked my step-mom-to-be what I should wear.

“Oh sweetie, just wear something you’ve got.  Jeans are fine.”

I hope she didn’t notice me recoil in horror.

So, ok, jeans.  I can do jeans.  I mean, if everyone else is wearing jeans and I’m just sitting there watching a little ceremony - I can do jeans.  Besides, I needed an excuse to buy a new pair of jeans.

And then one month ago, my dad informs me that my family and I - along with my brother and sister - will be standing up with him.

Um, yeah.  No.  I do not stand up in front of people in any kind of “official capacity” in jeans.  Can’t.  Do It.

Besides, I’ve now learned that nobody else is going to be wearing jeans up there either.  Whew.  So again, I go looking for some insight from the bride herself.  “Well, just something casual.  Jeans are fine.  Or khakis.  Or, you know, whatever.”

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to plan an outfit with those kind of “guidelines”?

Fuck.  So I’ve shopped and I’ve shopped and I’ve shopped - because absolutely nothing I own says “casual wedding” to me.  And I’ve found the cutest little black top that is going to go wonderfully with my black pants that make my butt look smaller than it actually is.

What?  Tailored black pants can be casual!

Oh, and I got new jewelry.  I mean, I had to. Because you can’t wear all black to a WEDDING - that just doesn’t say “congratulations on your new life.”  So I bought red jewelry.

And new shoes.  What?  I needed new black strappy sandals anyway.  And strappy stilettos are definitely casual.  Pfft.  They are!

They are also open toed.  Which means - I had to get a pedicure.  Hey, back off!  I’m pretty sure neglected toes and calluses do NOT say “casual wedding”.  However, the polish on my cute little toes that matches the new jewelry?  Now THAT says… well, it says I can color coordinate at least.

And while you’re getting a pedicure, I mean, it just makes sense to get a manicure too.  You save $2 if you do them together.  It would just have been frivolous of me to do one and not the other.

Don’t worry.  I just got a clear coat on my very own real nails.  I mean, even I know you can’t have better nails than the bride during a “casual wedding”.

Pfft.  I think my family will be impressed.  I mean clearly, I can soooo do Casual Wedding Attire.